Endless Turmoil

at last

2007-06-09T23:11:00.001+08:00

The damn has been broken
The seal undone
The reins untied
The barriers gone
Walls once built
Slowly crumbled
The spell once cast
Slowly unraveled
Tears are falling
An unending rain
The die has been cast
Time to face the game
Gush of warmth
Melting the ice
A flood of emotions
Streaming down my eyes
The gates have been opened
The chains released
What once had been bound
Is being slowly released
Finally. At long last
The walls are lowered
After years of waiting
Love can now be discovered

Signs

2007-06-01T20:54:00.001+08:00

Was it a sign
That I dreamt of you
Sitting so close
Holding you?

All was still
All was silent
But you and me
And the world we created

I drew you close
On your shoulder I leaned
And felt so secure
So utterly cherished

I felt the warmth
Coursing through mine
Filling me with joy
As our fingers intertwined

I closed my eyes
Let my mind drift
And all problems
From my thoughts lift

But the silence was broken
Whispers
Murmurs
Grew louder

I opened my eyes
And saw the stares
Heard the voices
So loud and clear

Disgust and revolt
Etched on their faces
Silently implying
My actions are a disgrace

Tongues like vipers
Lash out and strike
Venom pierces the heart
Crippling me without a fight

Such vicious eyes
Raking my being
Such spiteful words
Silently condemning

So was it a sign?
Was it an omen?
That the thought of being together
Should just be forgotten

My mistake

2007-04-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

It was my fault
That I ended like this
Chaining my self
to every word of his

It was my choice
To see past the blame
And ignore all the things
That showed insult and shame

It was my call
To what road I would take
But I left it up to him
Out of pity’s sake

It was my will
That forced feelings to grow
Even if it was painful
For an ounce of it to show

It was my right
To demand any time
But I stifled my thoughts
As though they were a crime

It was because of me
That I’m left drained and empty
And he who I love
Cant help but not see

LOST

2006-12-12T20:54:00.000+08:00

i going out of my mind
going out of my head
of the things i had done
the things i had said

what else to do
where else to go
ive ran in circles
not knowing where to go

is it all in the head
or all in the heart
ive asked a thousand times
still not knowing where to start

what is true?
tell me what is real?
is my world mere illussion
projections of what i feel

is there anyone out there
who can answer my plea
im so lost, so confussed
please help find me

Never

2006-12-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

Can two worlds
Come and meet?
Live together
In harmony?

Can the sun and moon
Go hand and hand?
Illuminating light
All over the land?

Can the past and future
Exists as one?
To undo the deeds
That has been done?

Can north and south
Trod the same path?
While escaping the fury
Of natures’ wrath?

Can demon and angel
Share a kiss?
Go through each day
Enveloped in bliss?

Can you and I
Forever be?
And shatter the barriers
Of fate and destiny?

Alas

Never

dilema

2006-11-24T14:37:00.000+08:00

for the past 3 months i've been thinking, if i really made the right decision. things have happened, issues brought up, problems dealt with and people encountered that confused my way of seeing things, of looking at things with the right persepective.

i entered a relationship thinking that i can find love, that i can feel love and that i can at last learn again how to love. i went through it with an open mind and an open heart, thinking that at long last i can have a glimpse of the emotion that has eluded me for quite a while but then things are never what they seem

ive been happy for the first part of the relationship but as it progressed, i felt hollowed out inside. It seemed as though nothing really was going on between us. Yes we communicate but we rarely saw each other because of our schedule and his financial problem. At times i felt i didnt have anyone, himself for that matter and that i was just living a normal life.

I also got fed up hearing about it, everything i do and everything that has any connection with me he condemns in a way that it makes me feel guilty of being who i am and what i am. i tried so hard to help and give him what he wants but then it doesnt seem to be enough. rather than being happy i became apathetic and angry

so i tried to do the right thing, to end it off since its not only unfair to him but to me as well.

i dont know if what i did was wrong, since his not speaking to me right now. i tried to voice out what i feel in regards to our relationship but its as if he doesnt want to listen.

i dont know what else to do

dazed and confused

2006-10-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

i promised myself that i would never indulge again but then some promises are made to be broken. I just needed an outlet to release all the building questions in my mind and in my life, I needed something to take me away from all the troubles that are circling my every move. I just needed to unwind.

Am I happy? for now i really have no idea. with the events that are happening between the 2 of us rather than being filled with love and happiness, i'm more confused. Did i do the right thing by going into this? ever since we came together my life has been turned upside down. I cant be the person that he wants and i dont know if he can accept who i really am. Our worlds are far apart, and ive been trying my best not to let it come between us, but it seems he's the one who can come to grips with everything

i really dont know what to do anymore, its as if im settling for the next best thing since i cant have the other one. am i? i really dont know. I have feelings for him but with this distance spanning what i feel for him is over ridden by what i feel for the other. it seems as though im the one doing all the work in this relationship and i think im going past my capacity

i dont know what more to do...i really dont know

2006-10-12T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies
Yeah, abundant skies, yeah

This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours

let there be light....

2006-10-06T18:04:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i wrote here. my thoughts and feelings do not come freely and fluidly these days and i dont know why. but since i have time to spare and a myriad of thoughts that i have to unburden, i took the time to divulge these confussing images within my head

we've been together for almost a month and i have to say ive been happy. it seemed as thought ive found someone who can cherish me as me without the pretense and trappings of this world. but as time flies by i get the feeling that he's just playing with me. maybe its just my over active imagination but its what i percieved. he changed ever since we got together. he's not the same. and im not the same. we built a relationship wherein my feelings were not yet cemented. what he felt for me was so huge but mine was not. i was confussed with what i feel for him and what i feel for someone else

i was honest with him, telling him the range of my emotions and he was ok with it, as long as i belonged to him. but this other person keeps intruding not only my thoughts but my feelings as well. yes i have someone, but he keeps popping out of no where and drawing things that i dont feel for the person ive sworn to love

the other already knows about him, that i have someone already. he seems curious to know who he is, where he came from and so forth. but the curiosity seems out of place, even for someone i consider a friend. ive talked to other people about it, people who know my predicament and what they say continues to baffle me. they say maybe the other has feelings for me aswell and is just waiting for the time and looking if there is someone in his way. but i dont think so

and now comes the dilema. the other is making his prescence known not consciously while the one whom ive choosen has slowly drifted away. i dont know how to make sense with everything that's happening...am i paranoid? or are the logical explanations for all of these? i need peace of mind..ive been in the dark for too long

2006-08-13T21:25:00.000+08:00

the dark slowly pressing
captivates me
seduces me

it materializes before me
so alluring
mesmerizing

its hands caress my body
exciting me
arousing me

its hungry lips descend on mine
devouring me
skillfully

like a succelent fruit
i can taste it
savor it

it slowly enters my being
filling me
nourishing me

sensations erupt inside
confusing
thrilling

permanently settling my my soul
i feel it
crave it

captured in its naked splendor
i am lost
gone

2006-07-05T14:43:00.000+08:00

like the dew drops left in the sun
like a coin in a magicians hand
I want to vanish
like an error deleted on the sight
an obscure painting covered white
I want to disappear
like the music that leads to an echo
the dying that sees no tomorrow
I want to fade away
like the ashes thrown to the sea
leaves blown by the breeze
I want to be carried away
like the petals falling one by one
the end of the day by the setting sun
I want to not to be
to leave this place without warmth or mirth
the life cursed since my birth
I want to be free
for amidst the briars and thorns
lies a child so forlorn
I'm so lost

find me

please

2006-06-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

i want to be free
i wnat to unburden the thoughts inside my head
unleash the emotions trapped inside
i want to break loose
to release the caged monster within
hidden by decption, lies and hate
i want to saor, to fly away
to cut ny link from this unforgiving world
and rid myself of all the pain
I want to be sane
to be normal
to be me
I just want it to end
to cease
to not to be

regrets

2006-06-10T20:10:00.000+08:00

regerets, nothing can come out when one regrets an event that has been seen, a word that was said and a deed that has been done. regrets just give us migranes with the "what ifs and what have's" circling our head. regrets are meaningless but there is something that i trully regret right now. just because of a word, a sentence i ruined a friendship that i really valued. I didnt know that things will blow out of proportion and i didnt know that they will be able to decipher what i said. that was where i was wrong. now i am left with no choice but to face the destruction that i have done and come to terms with the consequence my actions caused. i dont know what to do since they are all but ignore my mere existence and i cant fault them. it was i who was at fault, the one who made all the mistakes that resulted in our relationship being in tatters so i guess i am left with no other choice but to accept their desicion. i am once again alone and i believe that nothing i do in this earth will make any difference

Simple lang naman ito

2006-06-04T21:20:00.000+08:00

Sana ang gabi'y maging umaga

Sana'y makapiling kita

Sa iyo'y sakit gumiginhawa

Lahat ng hirap biglang "kaya na"

Ang dalangin ko'y tayong dalawa

Sana'y iyong malaman

Kahit ano't aking daraanan

iyo lamang maramdaman

matinding kasiyahan

na walang hangganan

Nais kong sabihin

kung ika'y magiging akin

ulo mo'y hindi pasasakitin

problema mo'y aayusin

lagi kitang pangingitiin

palalabasin ko ang iyong mga ngipin

Simple lamang ito

sapagkat ito ang totoo.

2006-06-02T10:22:00.000+08:00

Why do people fall in love
and they end up crying
Why do lovers walk away from themselves
When their hearts are breaking
Why does loving sometimes never stay long
Why does kissing this time
mean you'll be gone
Why does gladness become sadness
Things that I don't get
Someone's always saying goodbye
I believe it hurts when we cry
Don't we know partings never so easy
and with all the achings inside
I believe some hearts won't survive
Trying hard to pretend
that we're gonna be fine
I could never really love
someone else but you
I have never wanted anything else
but a love so true
But just like a dream
that comes in the night
In the morning you were out of my sight
Turned away from me
Sadly as I see
Away from where I stand

2006-05-19T05:54:00.000+08:00

An Ode To You

you are the sun
thatlights up my day
piercing through the shadows
that lurk in our way

you are the joy
that brights up my life
wiping away the sadness
in my world filled with strife

you are the comfort
the rest I seek
whenever the future
appears so bleak

you are the love
that fills my soul
mending the broken pieces
and making me whole

you are the angel
heaven sent
your are, and will always be
my very special friend

it must be the weather

2006-05-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

therI don’t know if its me or the weather, but for the past few days im not only reflective but melancholy as well. As the rain continues to fall down, I cant help but stare out the window and think, and in thinking I was able to look inside me. It seems the problem I had before not only escalated but has reoccurred tenfold. They say that the problem is within me for I am the one the built the wall to conceal my vulnerabilities inside. I erected a shield that would hinder anyone from piercing through my armor. Thus I am left with the person I am now, someone who’s utterly lost and empty inside. Yes I admit I am straying away from pain and emotions alike and its because I don’t want to be disappointed in the end. It seems that every time I hope it all ends to nothing, every time I yearn what I want just moves so far from my reach and every time I finally see the light, it is but a mirage, an illusion. Yes I am scared of being hurt because I don’t know what I would do if I’m dealt with that kind of pain again but the sole reason for my evasion might stem from my fear. It seems odd that something like this has ruled my persona for a long time. I’ve tried my best to look for the answer but nothing seems right enough to correct the wrong that I’ve done. It seems that with each passing day I’m slowly dying because the strong passions I had before are now fading away. Maybe like they said I just need something to keep myself occupied, but even that seems too much to ask. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just really tired. My life right now seems so pointless, so hollow and there’s nothing I can do to correct it. Yes something is wrong with me but the cure is so hard to find

Is it?

2006-05-06T18:50:00.000+08:00

Is it selfish to hide yourself
And lock your doors from all the pain?
Is it selfish to build a wall
A protection to keep you sane?
Is it selfish to act so cold
And let no emotions show?
Is it selfish to delude the world
And not let your thoughts be known?
Is it selfish to always pretend
With a smile plastered on your face?
Is it selfish that behind that smile
Lurks a creature of disgrace?
Is it selfish to cover your ears
And ignore their tearful cry?
Is it selfish to drown out the words
For knowing in the end its all a lie?
Is it selfish to think of one’s self
And try to preserve ones’ sanity?
Is it selfish to spurn the world
Which through the eyes of prejudices see?

Defeated

2006-05-06T08:51:00.000+08:00

In the darkness

The figure hides

Hunched in the corner

Like a beaten child

Head averted

Bowed down in shame

Arms encircling the knees

Concentrating the pain

Limbs are tense

Expecting the blow

Focusing the mind

That nothing will show

So strong a being

Not running from pain

Yet silent tears are falling

Like droplets of rain

The night was still

Not a body stirred

The figure searched for peace

But it was not heard

Suffering in silence

Grieving alone

Its cry muted by the wind

As tough not known

Day by day it continues

Yet no one heeds its call

Days becoming bitter years

With no one to help it at all

An eternity of anguish

Endless sorrow

With the rising of the sun

It might fade into tomorrow

But the being is spent

To tired t try

Just awaiting for dawn

Where its soul will fly

what a shocking surprise!

2006-04-17T09:56:00.000+08:00

I just came home from getting my final marks and I still cant believe it. DL ako!! what the hell!! me? a dean's lister? this is just to hard and too much for my tiny brain to comprehend! I still cant believe it! I mean yeah I kinda made getting good grades a priority this semester but i didn't expect that something like this was going to happen. I told my friends that i just wanted to get and average grade of B (3) but i guess my superior mind took over...kidding!! whaahahahaha!! i'm still flabbergasted!! hahahaha cant contain myself! and now their telling me I'm a freak coz my grade was kinda high, i mean higher than expected! hahaha goodness this is just to much!! I think i'll be floating around the house for a while!! not only that I got to see Bianca already! hahaha i really miss my blockmates and tomorrow i think we're going to hang out and just chill (hahaha kathy's word) its only been 2 weeks since we last saw each other but it seems like a year..hahaha that's what you get when you hang out with each other and spend time in each other's company for like uh...everyday!! aahhhhh im so happy!!

Puerto Adventure

2006-04-08T09:10:00.000+08:00

I'm back!! hahahaha well technically I've been here in manila since yesterday, I just didn't let people know that arrived..hahaha and what an adventure it was. I really had a blast even though something happened in the middle of our trip, it didn't hinder us from having a great time. And now I'm kinda suffering from it coz I'm so red! hahahaha it doesn't really hurt but when i scratch it it does! hahaha..They said I'm nognog already but the hell do I care! I want everybody to see that I've been to the beach and this is but a small way of letting them know. Duh? if didn't get a bit sunburned or dark from going to the beach what would have been my point in going? hahahaha well to stress my point, just go to this link

http://syre.multiply.com/photos/album/28

and you'll see what I'm talking about =) I hope I get the chance to do it again!

Beach here I come!

2006-04-04T14:42:00.000+08:00

I'm counting the hours of my departure, my adventure. Seconds are ticking away yet I am undecided...hahaha oh what the hell I'll stop with this poetry shit and I'll get down to business...I'm leaving for Puerto Gallera tomorrow and I'm really excited!! Hahaha at last I'll be able to go to the beach, soke up on the sun and get a tan! Most importantly I'll be able to hang out with my highschool barkada! Whoohooo

Its been a long time since we were last together. Months hava gone by since we last got a hold of each other. Well it cant be helped since we come from different schools thus have different schedules..hahahaha at least were making time to hang out and chill in each others company. Actually they're going here later in the night, they'll spend the night here at home so tomorrow we'll go to the pick up spot (that sounds awful..hahahaha) of the tour bus hahahaha...we have to leave early though since the pick up time would be 615 in the morning

But my main concern for the moment is what to bring!! hahahaha i haven't even packed yet and well knowing my friends I think they haven't packed yet too...hahahah we're all looking forward in the clubs and hot guys at Puerto hahahaha....just hope we find one!

Regrets

2006-03-31T17:13:00.000+08:00

What would have happened
If I just closed my eyes
and willed away your haunting face?

What would have happened
If I just turned my back
ran away and escaped your warm embrace?

What would have happened
If I blocked your words, so whisper soft
tempting me in every way

What would have happened
If I sealed my lips from your melting kiss
that silenced what I had to say?

What would have happened
If I barred my hear
and never accepted your coated lies?

What would have happened
If I knew your true self
the monster within that your soul can't deny?

Then I wouldn't be in this miserable world
remembering the deeds you've done
I wouldn't be here like an orphaned child
searching for what has been gone

Then I wouldn't be here aching for rest
from digging through the sorrows of life
I wouldn't be here, wasting away
regretting my life now filled with strife

----====kathy this one's for you====----

the big two...oh

2006-03-13T21:08:00.000+08:00

Go shorty, its your birthday, your gana party now, its your birthday...hahahaha so that only means im the shorty here since its my birthday..hahaha...well its some day let me tell you

It started ok, with me going to mass, then going to school being greeted by those who are really close to me through text but something came up to somehow ruin the day. It was chem time and Bia, geline and me were discussing about this group mate of ours who didn't do anything for the project but insisted on having a grade. Ok so its fine by me that he be the one to present our findings in class as long as he do it himself since we did all of the work for the project. But the thing is my friend insisted that she help him. I mean what the hell, why would you help him? let him do his share of the work. But she insisted vehemently until I was so pissed that after class I told them I had to go home. They were telling me not to but I just couldn't stand being in school and feeling so left behind, being let down..then all the feelings I had stored up before kept pilling one after the other that I had no other choice but to let them out. I cried inside the car

That's where bia found me. She was so shocked coz I was crying. She kept asking if it was about geline and mj, but it really wasn't. The problem was me. I just couldn't handle another birthday having nothing to look forward to but disappointments in the day. Then she told me that cla (the nicests person there is in this world) had something for me. So I decided to go back...there everything changed

I was with my old blockmates, the group I was with ever since the start of school, we were conversing and everything. I was a bit stupid coz I didn't realize that bianca and geline were gone a long time. Just was when I was about to leave since the people in the table had classes, the 2 arrived and with them a cake and balloons. Gosh I was shocked! not to mention touched. They knew I didn't have it in me to celebrate that's why they did that so at least I would smile..Mehn...what a surprise...

So after that we decided to go to eastwood, to watch a movie and eat..hahaha...I had a craving fot Fazolis so that's was were we decided to eat. Our block mates, those from our new block, also said that they were comming but when we arrived at the resto they said that they had just gone out of the traffic. We ate, talked and laughed a lot. Then bianca contacted one of our blockmates asking them if they were going to join us, they said no since one of them didn't like the resto..hahaha..so ok we continued to eat, talk and laugh when our blockmate told bianca that they were on their way to Fazollis..so ok..hahaha that was the end of our gossip session.

We waited for them..hahha until we heard their voices down stairs..so we simmered down on the topic at hand and waited for them to come up. That's when I noticed them and that's when I noticed something they were hidding. They had with them a cake (well 2 cheesecakes) with a candle..and they were going our way. Goodness that was the shock of my life...i didn't expect anything from them, neither did my blockmates...and they sang for me..awww...i was so touched..later i thanked them for it and they said "welcome to the block"

awww..this is one birthday I will never forget...

with its comming

2006-03-10T20:24:00.000+08:00

Nothing has changed. What I felt before and what I feel now are but the same. Two days are left before the dramatic change in my life and I cant help but feel nothing. I seem to be ungrateful that I cant find joy in celebrating the day I was born. But for me it seems to be but a farce. Why celebrate when I dont see anything and feel anything worth celebrating? I would be deluding myself as well as those around me if I pretend to be happy on that day, or even now. I dont know what to do with myself. I seem ungrateful since everyone around me is so happy with upcomming event, yet I cant find in me the strength to apease them. Im spiraling again into depression and with this I might do something that I may regret in the future. But nothing can seem to stop what is building inside me, this tremendous force that is slowly taking over my being.

Along with this is the feeling of emptiness. Nothing seems to erase this within me. It seems as though with each passing day its growing stronger and digging deeper into my soul. With the approaching event, i remember the things that has created the person that I am today, the coward that slinks away from emotions.

As the days go by, it just builds on....

Realizing

2006-02-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

I am aware he is there
embeded in my mind
so still, so quiet
like the stillness of time

I can feel his hand
upon my cheek
caressing me soft
giving the warmth I seek

I am aware of his gaze
following my deeds
penetrating my soul
looking for my needs

I can feeel his breath
so whisper light
against my ear
whenever he says goodnight

I can feel his love
in every pore of my being
giving me the strength
to continue on living

But I am aware that he
is but a frace, a dream

it is madness

2006-02-04T20:28:00.000+08:00

to hate all roses
because of one thorn

to give up your dreams
because one didn't come true

to loose faith in prayers
because one wasn't answered

to give up one's efforts
because one of them failed

to condemn all of your friends
because one of them betrayed you

not to believe in love
because some didn't love you

to throw away the chance to be happy
because one wasn't successful in the first attempt

one must remember

another chance may come up

a new friend

a new love

a renewed strength

2006-01-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

I see it in my sleep
hear the voice in my head
I ache
and I fear

to be loved so utterly
for years to vanish
and once again
have a heart light with love

for someone to draw
absolute trust
absolute warmth
from me

to love
without questions
without doubts
without boundaries

yet love
is not always wise
it has no conditions
no regrets

it is not enough
not good enough
to sustain
to last

I yearn and pine
I seek and reach
but nothing is there
but empty space

So I wait and forget
what it feels like
what it means like
to be loved and to love in return

But why?

2006-01-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

Why?

Why do you have to leave?

http://www.formula1.com/news/3888.html

2005-12-31T10:39:00.000+08:00

Love is not a device
A weapon
Or a weight

It is a gift
With no strings attached

A flower
That slowly unfolds

Beauty
That is skin deep

It is not through poetic words
Phrases
Or sentences

But feelings
That are clear and direct

Spoken
But also felt

Uttered
And never barred

It is not about flowers
Chocolates
Candle light and wines

But of gestures
With deeper meaning

Actions
Simple yet heartfelt

And touch
That needs no words

It is not about secrets
Tearful arguments
And lies

But of knowledge
That is never ending

Trust
That is life long

And courage
That has no bounds

----===you know who you are, thanks===----

2005-12-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

My wish

I thought you were different
I thought I knew
But it was the same
Just like before
Just like them
It was only a charade
A farce
A game
And I fell victim
Yet again
I trusted
But to no avail
I cared
But was denied
I loved
But alas
It was lost
I thought you were my anchor
My shield
My sword
But it was only
My dream
My illusion
And now
My living nightmare

Fiend!
Before
I accepted you
With open arms
Protecting you
From the mischief
Of the world
Before
I supported you
In your trodden path
Mocked and ridiculed
As you were
Before
I wished you happiness
Joy and love
But now
Death

Eternal misery
Unending pain
To rot in darkness
To burn in hell
To be enslaved
In a prison
Of unending night
Never seeing
The light of day
To experience
What you have done
To me

Never again
will I trust
Nor care as I had
Never again
Will I see you
As the star
That lit up my life
For now
My friend
The devil take you

2005-12-17T10:12:00.000+08:00

its growing back again

2005-12-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

Love is but a lie
An illusion
Created by weak women
And conniving men
Who are but liars
Thieves and cheats
Scoundrels and pigs
Deceivers all of them
Delivering pain
Despair and anguish
To those pitiful souls
Silently tormenting
Their feeble minds
Until they are but
Dust in the wind
Thus it is better
To rein in emotions
For it easier without them
Easier and safer
After a while
One could not remember
It was present
For only a fool
Will ask for more sorrow
Only a fool
Will beg for disappointment
Thus only a fool
will let it begin
For in the end
Everything
Is bound to fail

2005-12-03T14:58:00.000+08:00

How does it feel to be in love?
To be hopelessly, mindlessly in love
To feel that warmth coursing through your veins
Along with the rising tempo of your heart

How does it feel to be in love?
To have troubles flee your every thought
Walking the streets as though floating in air
With a silly expression plastered on your face

How does it feel to be in love?
Daring to do what is impossible to achieve
Facing demons and dragons in your path
And scaling walls to high to reach

How does it feel to be in love?
To hear music whenever he is near
Having your eyes sparkle like the stars at night
When you glance at the vision you want so dear

How does it feel to be in love?
To have his face circling your mind
Staring in space as though dreaming
And a whispered sight uttered through your lips

How does it feel to be in love?
Tell me how it feels
I stopped, pondered and the answer I found
It is something I do not have in me

-----====Babs, this one's for you =) ====-----

2005-11-27T16:36:00.000+08:00

Algo es realmente injusticia conmigo. Es como si hay un virus dentro de mi, lentamente rotas mis defensas, devorando mi cordura. Hay tiempos que yo solo quiero soltarse, como penso hay un monstruo dentro de mi esperando para obtener libre pero otros tiempos que yo solo quiero terminarlo todo.

Soy analizar aun psicome, pero la cosa es puedo encontrar todavia lo que esta equivocado conmigo. Extrano lo penso puede parecer hay los casos que quiero quemar cada libro que tengo en mi cuarto. Los libros acerca del amor son los unicos refugios del horario agitado de mis estudios, los libros que aclaran arriba mi dia y donde puedo ver donde amor verdadero hace existe realmente. Mas los leyendo no me dan placer ya. Es como si las palabras que lo contenga ridiculizan mi es, me incitando y me diciendo que sere para siempre la manera que soy, perdido y solo. Hay todavia tiempos que yo me revolco en este hoyo de la depresion que lleva a la tendencia de llegar a ser suicida. He pensado de cien maneras de terminar mi existencia, todavia no podria empujar la depresion consigo. Yo no se por que

Solo tengo que expresarlo, para alguien para leerlo y tal vez ayudarme en mi apuro. Soy tan perdido y con cada día de paso es como si suelto mi verdadero mi. Con esto la gente podria encontrarme solo encarcelado dentro de una institucion mental.

When will it end?

2005-11-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

Its still there
Emptiness deep inside
Taking up the place
Where pains once reside
A seed implanted
Nurtured by regret
Sprouting roots of despair
Due to dreams never met
No amount of searching
No amount of plea
Would fill in the gap
That was left gaping within me
Answers were sought
Actions were done
Yet no amount of longing
Could stop what had already begun
Tears wont fall
Pain, hardly shown
Emotions were trapped
As though hardly known
I have lost myself
My sense of being
Enclosed in a prison
Of my own doing
A yearning left unquenched
An ache, unsated
A hunger digging deep
Which pain had created
Yet time has passed
Seasons gone by
Still it festers inside
Urging me to die
When will this end?
When will this cease to be?
For in each passing day
I am loosing the true me

Back to reality

2005-11-19T16:27:00.000+08:00

The week has passed since I've been back in the Philippines, facing the load of school as well as the demands of the teachers. The month that I've spent in the West Coast seemed like a dream, a dream I will always cherish. It seems unreal that I spent that amount of time away from home, from my family and friends and from the issues lingering in the country. The days that I spent shopping, going around the state and meeting my relatives seems like a thing of the past, but what an experience it was

Now I'm back it seems as though a lot has changed, not only in me but in my life. Functioning for school is still hard since I have bouts of jet lag, but I'm happy. When I returend it seemed as though I was gone for a lone time. When I went to school my friends screamed when they saw me, as though we haven't seen each other for decades. Its a heartwrming feeling, to be missed that much...

I wasn't able to write about my adventure but those who want to see it can view them through http://syre.multiply.com

I really had a blast

the count down

2005-11-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

i'm counting the days

of my return

to reality

to my world

but time is flying

and i'm confussed

if I should rejoice

or be gloomed

the clock is ticking

my dream is at an end

Launching

2005-10-16T06:45:00.000+08:00

five

four

three

two

one

BLAST OFF.......

-----=====Bye guys, see you when I get back====-----

13th of September

2005-09-18T07:59:00.000+08:00

I have never felt so lost

so alone

rain drops were falling

and I was mindless of what to do

where to go

amidst the sea of beacons

I was trapped

caged by the wall of tears

so scared

so isolated

so desparate

slowly giving up

losing hope

then he was there

drawing me out of my confusion

saving me from my spiraling grief

sheilding me from my faceless enemies

chasing away my anxiety

a voice

reassuring

calming

then it was gone

I was safe

back in the haven I longed for

warmth seeping through my could shell

crying in the arms of my protector

my savior

at last

I was home

* Love you dad*

What a week

2005-09-09T20:01:00.000+08:00

What a great time to get sick!! I've just had one of our so called hell weeks and I had coughs and colds while batlling the gruesome tests given by our teachers...

It all started last Monday. I didn't really fell all that good when I went to school. For one, I was going to have our Chem LT (long test) that afternoon starting at 530 and ending at 7 pm. Then my blockmate arrived and she said that she had a minor case of colds and cough. I didn't really mind her since I was focused on our test. But that was my mistake. By the end of the day, I rally wasn't feeling good. I was sneezing and coughing ever so often and by the end of our test I alrady lost my voice...

Things got a bit worse the following day. I alrady had a running nose but my coughs were not that prominent. I was a bit under the weather. I think I even had a slight fever but at least I get to go home a bit early in comparisson to my usual schedule. But things got worse when I got home. I had a test the next day, a test that I really had to get a high grade since I was doing poorly in it. That night I slept a bit early than usual, thinking that because of the number of medecines I took I would just sleep through the illness. But I was wrong. I woke up three times that night because I couldn't breathe properly and when I woke up the next day I had a a bad headache along with the my health declining

Wednesday was the worse day ever. The virus inside me was creating havoc to my health. I was looking ahlf dead according to my blockmates that they even wanted me to cut PE since I relly didn't look well. Plus my coughing and sneezing throughout the day was increasing in frequency. The bad thing was I had a test the next day. So since I wasn't feeling wel (with the coughs, colds and headache) I wasn't able to study well for the test.

Thursday, thank goodness my sneezing was lessend but my coughing just got worse. I sound hoarse and whenever I cough it seemed as though I was going to spew out my lungs. The good thing was I didn't have anything important for the day after.

Now friday. I'm a bit better compared to the days that passed. Still my blockmates look at me whenever I cough since it seemed as though I was being attacked by asthma whenever I do it. Its still hard to breathe after every cough but at least I dont have to worry about my colds anymore. The sid effect is, they say I soud like a boy..hahaha...According to them, I have a hot and sexy bedroom voice. They kept teasing me about it until the end of the day. Even teh guys are into it...hehehe..atleast they're not that worried anymore....

Well I'm just looking forward in seeing Fernando tomorrow. I hope he does good...

Miss you guys....

2005-09-04T15:49:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I last saw and hanged out with my english block mates. The last time we went out was last April ( so many last...hehehe) and I missed fooling around with them. But last night, we had the oppurtunity to be together again...hehehe

It was our blockmates debut so we had our get together at our table. Gosh I missed to guys. Their gentlemanly ways, jokes and blunders...hehehe..Like I said before if they weren't my blockmates and if they weren't chinese I would be so into them...They looked so cute wearing semi-formal attires. And like any other guy, they bitched about their looks...hehehe..I didn't know that Justin had sch an avid fascination with himself because he kept asking to get pictures of himself with the guys...

As usual, Ivan and me were the noisiest in the group..hehehe..it because we have the same brain wave length, along with Nice...hehe so we kept insulting or criticizing the clothes of some of the guest, coz duh they were really bad.

I had such a blast!! that's why they're planning on going out again this comming sem break, since we do have what seems like a month off..

To let go...

2005-08-28T20:48:00.000+08:00

-->To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.

-->It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.

-->Letting go isn't winning and it isn't losing.

-->It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

-->Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness.

-->It's not giving in or giving up.

-->Letting go isn't about loss, and it's not defeat.

-->To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on.

-->It is having an open mind and confidence in the future.

-->Letting go is accepting.

-->It is learning and experiencing and growing.

-->To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow.

-->It's about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain.

-->Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving.

-->Letting go is growing up.

-->It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

-->To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and to set yourself free."

Hahaha...so true!!!!!

2005-08-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

Pseudo-relationships.

Pseudo-boyfriends.

Pseudo-girlfriends.Flings.

Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is a phase where the persons involvedare more than friends, but not quite lovers.

Puwedeng may verbal agreement,puwedeng wala.

One or both of you may have admitted yourfeelings,possible ding hindi.

You just let your gestures do the talking for you.

Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari.

Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.

Pero sa kilos niyo,sa mga sinasabi niyo,parang kayo,pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship"can happen at different stagesfor different reasons.

It can happen after a break-up.

You still love each other,and you want to be with each otherbut you broke up for a reason.

And for reasons that you alone know,ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship,iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.

Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.

Testing lang. (tama ba un?!)

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayokasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na.

Kaya habang hindi pa siyanakikipag-break doon sa boy/girl(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soonpero di naman niya ginagawa),wala muna kayong relasyonpara nga naman hindi siya nangangaliwakasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage,for a time, can be fun.Lalo na kung naghahanapka lang naman ng "KALARO."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expectna may patutunguhan kayo kzewala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settlesa ganitong set up ganoonghindi naman siguradokung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan.

Puwedeng for fun lang.Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" orpuwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."

Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing,doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship,they would think that pseudo-relationshipis better than no relationship at all.I

t would be fun, if all you're afteris that "kilig" feeling.

But then I learned that although it wasonly a pseudo-relationship,the emotions were real.

And usually, in this kind of set up,merong malulugi.."ung nainlove sa taong taken na.."

Una, you can't ask him/her to commit.

Since it's not really a relationship,you can't demand commitment from yourpartner.

Ano ba kayo?

You will always be uncertainabout your role in his/her life.You can't expect him/herto be always there with you.

And if you feel jealous of the other boys/girls,you just have to keep it to yourself.

Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what ifyou fall deeply in love with him/her?

You can't be sure if he/she feels the same way.Baka nag-a-assume ka langna mahal ka rin niya.

Even if you are dyingto tell him/her you love him/her,you can't.Because you're not sureif he/she will like it.

Baka mapahiya ka lang.

This stage will always make you wonderwhere you are in the relationship.Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached toomuch?

What if you have investedall your emotions and this man/woman hasn't?

What if you remain faithful to him/her,not entertaining other guys/gals,only to find out that he/she is seeingother girls/boys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships,it is fleeting.

When a disagreement sets in,or when one of you gets cold,then that would be the end of it.

Unlike in a serious relationship,hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugarsa isang pseudo-relationship.

Wala kang pinanghahawakan.Kasi sa pseudo- relationship,there is no "us."

Meron lang "you and me.."

>>>>>Thanks Babs<<<<<

Something to think about

2005-08-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

MME said, "The world is too small for my love", but for me its just plain too small. Living in this world is like a friendster connection. You have a friend who happens to be a friend of the friend of yor cousins. There are also instances when you like someone who's the cousin of the friend of the brother of your enemy. Sometimes you and your friend say hi to someone when in fact you both know that person, your just not aware of it. Confusing right? Its also annoying.

I had this experience. My blockmate was ranting about her partner in Spanish. The guy is such a...well figure it out. He didn't show up at their meeting, he's always on the run when she's contacting him at the last draw was that he made her wait 3 hours for a phone call just to say "This is taking too long" 10 minutes in the conversation. Can you believe the nerve of the guy? If I was my blockmate I'll smack him on the face...

Then things get weird. last tuesday she was again telling us the problem she was encountering with the guy when she let it slip who the guy was. Guess what, I know him!! HA! what a big surprise. Plus I had a thing for him back in first year because he reminded me of someone. I swear I was so shoked to know that. Then a while ago we were walking along the corridors when we both saw him. She looked at me and asked if it was the same guy. And yes it was...HA! what an unbelievable turn of events. Like I said, the world is just a tad to small for my liking

Together again

2005-08-20T16:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since Anne, Babs and me have spent the night together. Before college started we spend so much time together. There was a time that our stay in each ones house lasted up to a week. A lot of people wonder what we do when we're together. Well that's the mystery..hehehe and only the three of us know it. So it was really nice that after long time we came together and spent the night with each other.

div align="justify">I went to the Toyota car show at World Trade Center yesterday. I just went there since I heard that they were housing the Toyota F1 car. We were supposed to meet there since the three of us are formula one fanatics. But things didn't turn out the way we wanted them. The car show was not what I expected. Yeah I saw the formula car and toyota's concept car but that was it. Since I was the first one to arrive I was able to tell them what was in store for us. So we decided to just go out since its been a long time since we last went out together.

So we went to Galleria and we decided to watch a movie. I turned out we had ourselves a movie marathon. It was really fun, with all the things we've been undergoing now, its a nice way to break free from the stress and problems of our lives. We arrived relatively late at my bf's house but we still didn't sleep. We talked talked about the things that happened before, remeniscing about the past since it seemed that me past kept resurfacing last night. But late into the night Anne fell asleep and it was just babs and me. She asked me stuff regarding the problem she ws encountering and I tried my best to tell her what I think about it. We talked and talked until we both fell asleep

But now were back in reality, where we have to face our demons whole heartedly. Still it nice to remember that with our hectic schedule we still find time to be together

A Question

2005-08-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

How can you say that love is true
when people just come and go?
leaving you in a darkened world
to bask in pain and sorrow

How can you say that dreams are true
when they easily fade away?
So called fantasies that hold no meaning
just mere illusions

How can you say that joy is true
when sadness is etched on your face?
Eyes that mirroir the heartache within
chassing bliss and all its trace

How can you say that promises are true
when they are hardly kept?
Empty vows that hold no truth
leaving lies that you easily accept

How can you say that hope is true
when you lie quivering in a puddle of grief?
answers so desperately sought
reward you with anguish and not relief

How can you say that friendships are true
when gossips are within reach?
unknowingly murdering each other
making it a bond easily breached

So how can you say that families are true
when alone is what you have become?
isolated and neglected
left by the ones who should have come

Who am I?

2005-08-05T21:48:00.000+08:00

Forgettable
That is what I am
Living a life
That is nothing but a sham

Unlovable
That is what I see
Of the pitiful creature
That exists as me

Regrettable
That is what they say
Of being with me
In any possible way

Worthless
That is what I feel
Due to the wounds
That would not heal

Alone
That is what ill be
Like what is written
In my destiny

Longing

2005-07-21T18:26:00.000+08:00

I miss those times, the warm summer days
the stolen kisses and warm embrace

I miss the eyes so filled with mirth
staring into mine, mirroring myself worth

I miss the smiles that light up my day
chasing my anger and despair away

I miss the voice that fills my ear
a natural music sailing in the air

I miss the hands I've always sought
enveloping mine without a thought

I miss the arms that encircle me
trapping me close, never setting me free

I miss the touch that cradles my face
so still, so soft, never leaving with haste

I miss the warmth that soothes my soul
completing the void, making me whole

I miss the nights and the joy I had
and I miss how to hope, to feel and to love

Hell week fast approaching

2005-07-15T21:22:00.000+08:00

Hell week is comming and I' m going out of my mind. It wouldn't be that hectic if i had weekends but unfortunately I dont. Tomorrow is my friends debut but it coincides with the first meeting of NSTP. Because of that I have to wake up early and sleep really late. Plus I'm going to be up and about with things, first with NSTP then with Harry Potter, then I h ave to go to 2 hotels to pick up things for the debut then attend the debut. Oh Gosh , I think I cant wear my heels tom.

But the side benefit of tom is not only will I be spending time with my friend on her debut but I get to have the sixth book of J.K. Rowling. Thank God!! I've been anticipating that book for quite some time now and finally after much ado I'll be able to hold it in my own hands....hehehe. The fiifth book left me wanting for more since it was a bit hanging. But alas, I can only read the book on fri since I have test everyday next week. But hey I get to have the book already

Rest at last....

2005-07-07T16:37:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I last wrote here..hehehe…well I’m pretty swamped with school work and even though I’ve only been in school for about 3 weeks it feels as though I’ve been studying for a long time. Well summer class can be blamed, since I only had around 2 weeks for summer vacation. But school load can also be blamed. I feel like I’m back in high school, so much to do with so little time. I have 2 labs every week so that means I go home relatively late, like my schedule during the summer. Right now, I’m swapped with paper work that I really don’t have time to have a social life. I’m a recluse, so to speak

People are also telling me that I’m slowly losing weight. I actually don’t believe that since I still look the same whenever I look at the mirror. But our activity in PE 101, well, shocked me. We were measuring our height (hehehe) and weight to get our total body fat. So okay I’m not tall..hehe..but heck that’s heredity. So when my prof was reading the scale for my weight, I was shocked. I lost 8 pounds since I last weighed myself. Gosh that was a wake up call. But like what I told my friend, I can’t do anything about it since I eat lunch at 830 or 1030 and I walk from one class to the next (which are situated in both ends of the school!!!) wherein my classes are right after each other. So hello what am I supposed to do?

Another anomaly has happened to me. My humerus (hehehe..zoo talk for arm) keeps popping out of my shoulder! I really have no idea how it happens or why it happens, its just so. When you see it happen, you can feel a concave region on my right arm (where the tho are connected). It’s really funny but when I let my parents see it, well I got a scolding. They say its because I’m too thin, as if…but my dad said maybe its because of my swimming, you know butterfly and everything. But hey they’re not doing anything about it, so I really don’t think it’s a big deal

Finally tomorrow I’ll have time to rest and relax. It’s been a while since I took the time to just stay at home, do nothing and watch TV. And because of my so called paranoid nature this year, I’ve already done my homework for next week (how geeky is that!!!) so I can just bum around and do nothing. Rest at last

2005-06-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

Is there a logical explination for a change in a person's personality? How can an individual be fiery, ill-tempered and demonstrative before and become coll, frigid and detached the next? Maybe its dur to hormones. Too much insulin coursing through the blood stream, having an over does of oligosaccharides thus having one major sugar rush leaving the person hyper active and thus more succeptible to emotional out flow. His or her food intake and diet then plays a big factor in this phenomenon.

Dully explained where then does the individual's sudden melancholy and despair spring from?Why does the desire to severe ties with the outside world take root? How can one be blank inside when there are a myriad of emotions bouncing from other?

What then is the solution to this unfathomable dilema?

2005-06-03T23:13:00.000+08:00

I am slowly loosing my mind!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! I'm so freaking bored I dont know what to do!! I mean I dont want to go out of the house since im going to spend money if I do but while I'm stuck here at home I dont know what to do.

I'm virtually running out of books to read, shows to watch and sites to visit!!I feel so restless and I dont know where it comes from. I'm irritable and moody with no apparent reason. I'm slowly spiriling into a pit of melancholy and depression and I dont know why.

Maybe I'm walking into the point of no return, the boundary between sane and paranoia. Heck i need help before I do something I may one day regret. Ahhhhh!!! if this does not let up soon I may take things in my hands....literary

2005-05-27T11:53:00.000+08:00

At long last I can finally say I'm on vacation...hehehe its been delayed for 6 weeks beacuse of my summer class. But yesterday I finally felt the freedomfrom not doing school work, from not waking up early and sleeping late and frombeing stuck in school fro roughly 8 hours a day thus there's no time for shopping and stuff..

Hehehe...its because yesterday my friends and I went to gateway because I had to get something from my uncle (my project for zoology). But since we had so much time before the concert (we watched Ashanti's concert) we decided to watch a movie. They wanted "The House Of Wax" but there was no way in hell I'm going to watch that kind of movie, so we settled for "Kingdom of Heaven"

Infairness, it was good. One of Orlando Bloom's finest, since he looks gay in his other movies. So off we went to the concert..hehehe...it was really fun even though our seats were not that good 9since the tickets were only complimentary) we had a blast..and next week I'm looking forward to our so called slumber party here at my house...hehehe....we haven't done it for a long time ...God it feels like high school...hehehe

2005-05-25T18:22:00.000+08:00

Some of my pix in our trip ti Anilao, Batangas

inside the car

Chin, Twinkles and me on the veranda

Bianca and me

Oh, those were the days

on the island we went snorkling

inside the car going home

Chin, Bianca and me inside the pool

from the lesft, jap, me, twinks, bianca and chin with out pulutan

2005-05-13T19:33:00.000+08:00

The last week of my summer class is just around the corner but the stress that I have been undergoing for the past weeks is taking its toll. So much to do in so little time and the body can only do so much that I fear I'm breaking down physically and mentally. I have constant head aches, I'm losing sleep and my social life is non existent. Still I'm having fun

I just came back from our shooting of Shakespeare's Mid Summer Night's Dream. And although I have the longest and most lines it was still fun. My group mates are so good, they seem like professionals since they were taking about angles, lighting and such. Specially our director! He did all the props, arranged for the venue, asked some one to do our musical score (can you beliece it? all our songs are original!!) The only hassle was, we did the thing in U.P. so we were sort of harassed by some kids, my group mates got harassed by stupid students who didn't have enough breeding instilled in them and there were a lot of people in the place so it was hard to shoot without getting those people into the film

And now, I know how a celebrity feels when shooting!! My body aches all over and we just shot 1 scene for lke 4 hours, what more if you do this thing day after day. But now, I have to dwell on my Zoology since I'm going to have my test on Monday (comprising of the human skeletal and mascular system, oh boy) and tomorrow and sunday are the only free time I have since for the past week, I have benn practicing for Lit and attending my class for Zoology.

Only a little more...

2005-05-05T17:17:00.000+08:00

I know, I know. I should be thankful since I have the chance to use the internet and that I really do not have homework pending for tomorrow. But still If you waited 4 hours just to know that its free cut, who wouldn't be upset? Well at least I went home early

Anyway, just want to share what happened to me the past week. Monday, well there wasn't any school so I just lazed at home. Tuesday was one of the highlights of my week. We did blood typing for lab. Its a procedure to know what your blood type is. But there was a catch. We had to draw blood from our own bodies!! Hehehe..you know the BBC? we did that. We pricked our fingers to get the blood and we placed them on glass slides. But something funny happened to me. I was bleeding all over the table. Hehehe...our prof told us to pinch our finget about 20 times to get enough blood, but I think I over did it because when my turn came I had enough blood for my entire class...hehehe...

Yesterday, we focused on the Kingdom Animalia. Instead of sketching the speciments our prof told us to bring digi cams!! How techi is that! So we finished early and did other things like these

Cla with Geline scouting for boys

Me and Geline

Geline turning into a monkey

Twinkles, Bianca, Geline, Cla and the usual things that we eat during our break

What!!! said bianca

Take a pic!!

Hehe..these are the people I spend most of my time with. Well if you a 6 hour subject you get to the point were your brain is turned into mush...hehehe

2005-05-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

God, I think the only time I could write here is during the weekends. Shit my days are so packed that I barely have time for my own. Well things did happen this week, aside from the ever present heat.

Last Thursday I had my second long test in Zoology. I was pretty apprehensive since the topic was a little bit hard. But something funny and remarkable happened. We were about to start when our prof told us, and I quote " Okay guys, number one write your order for Ice Monster"..What? we were so shocked since we didn't know that our nagging of him springing for that treat would be taken seriously. So he left us with a sub in order to buy our treats. So cool!!! So after the test each one of us were eating Ice Monster, and the thing is were 15 in the class. Man is he rich!!!

Okay then at last I went out of the last Friday. It was Joca's treat for her birthday and thank goodness I was able to go out of the house, since I've been cooped up inside ever since summer class began. So we went to East Wood, ate dinner and after so long, shopped. I've really missed the adrenaline rush of shopping, of picking out the right kind of color, style and brand that I like. I know I'm a shopaholic but its so hard to wear shirts to school these days since it is so damn HOT!!! I mean it seems as though were frying in Hell!! And they say its going to get hotter in May...shox

Well, I'm happy since we dont have classes tomorrow. Although I have to read something for Lit at least its not that heavy..Thank God!! I'm looking forward to my Lab trip in Anilao in May 20-21, hehehe, its going to be a first

2005-04-24T09:06:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I last wrote herer, well the primary cause is my summer class. My schedule doesn't permit me to have the usual things I had. I mean, I leave the house for school at 930 and I leave school at 630 pm, arriving around 7 and I still have to do my homework

Actually this is one of the few times this week that I was able to use the internet with the sole use of leisure. With my demanding subjects (primarily zoology) I just use the net to search and sometimes check my mail (for reasons related again with school). My friends are even teasing me that I don't have a life anymore. Lol..actually that's true, that's the price I have to pay in order to achieve what I want

It seems my schedule right now is preparing me for med school. I mean all those home work, sleeping in the wee hours of the morning plus the tests and quizes. At least I have a slight grasp of what is instore for me in the future (just multiply what I'm doing by 10 fold..lol)

So this is it for me right now, I'm actually writing this while doing my report for zoology (animal like protist for god's sake) and I dont know when I'll be able to write again

2005-04-07T19:22:00.000+08:00

I have returned!! I just came back from our trip in Palawan and it was really great!! I left Sunday morning since our flight was at 11:15 and from then on my adventure began. When we arrived a shuttle was waiting for us . They were the ones arranged by my mom's friend so we could go to there house in Quezon, Palawan. The thing that I didn't know was the trip would take about 2 hours and we were going to share the vehicle with other people. Plus the road going to Quezon was anything but smooth, it was a freaking rough road!! Imagine travelling on a road which is mage up by dirt anfd stones..sighs..When we reached there my mom's friend welcomed us and we had the treat of a lifetime. There were tons of food that were only for my family!! God my diet went down the drain. Then they lead us to the place where we were going to stay. I couldn't believe it!! We were staying at a cabin near the sea but there was a catch!! We didnt have TV, aircon and the cabins were really small!! Plus there was a race scheduled that day and I wasn't able to watch it!!! Oh the agony!!! But my baby won anyway so I was really happy though I learned of it through a call

On Monday we went to the Market in Quezon and there I had the shock of my life!! The food there was so cheap!! Imagine, Galungong was 10 bucks per kilo!!! per kilo mind you!! And the dried fishes range from 60-90 pesos per kilo. I really lost my head, my mom aswell!! So she bough tons and tons of dried fishes, her pasalubong to her friends.

Tuesday we went to the famous Tabon cave, the cave were the first inhabitants of the Philippines lived. It was so cool coz we had to ride a boat to go there, plus we had to wade through strong waves that were infront of the mountains entrance. Then we had to climd steep stairs to see these caves. They were really great!! Though a bit tiring, it was worth it since we saw this cave that had vegetation in it and it was in the heart of the mountain, so we had to treck in order to go there!! I really had fun but my parents had a hard time..lol.. then we went to two different islands which means different beaches..hehehe

Wednesday we went to the underground river, but shit the road going there was so bad that my butt hurt!! and we had toi travel for 2 and a half hours so imagine the pain!!! But it was worth it because the place was so beautiful!! You wouldn't believe it and that's why I encourage people to go there because its once in a life time experience!!! Also we went back to Puerto Princesa since we will leave Palawan the next day. There we were treated by my uncles cousin to a place were the food is so good I had so much!! It was the first time I ate sisig made up of sea foods!!! hehehe

Thursday, that's now. We left Palawan 1:00 in the afternoon and arrived here at 2:10. I cant believe it, I'm back and I have to face reality for in a few days I'll go back to school. But it was worth it, although my vacation was short it was worth everything

The start of my vacation

2005-04-01T19:58:00.000+08:00

At last I can finally say that my vacation has started. Yeah sure classes ended last March 19 but with the Holy Week I couldn't get out of the house and have fun. LIke every Chatolic within the country, I had to observe the lenten season so I was stuck at home with my books. Atleast I had something to kill the time. So my break actually started last Monday

Monday: My sister and I decided to go to Rockwell since we were given permission by our parents to buy Haviannahs (sorry dont know if that's correct). At last we bought those sought after slippers from Brazil. Well my mom wanted them since we were going to Palawan and they would be useful. The thing that we didnt expect was that my Dad' s best friend was also there. He invited us to go to Market Market because he wanted my Dad to see this car that he is about to buy. So we went Mall hopping, isnt it fun?

Tuesday: It suddenly come up to me that it is so darn hot!!! I mean if we sit down in one corner for about 30 mins without moving we would still be perspiring. So I got this hairbrain scheme to cut my hair. But the thing is it was shorter that what I expected..lol...

Wednesday: My block mates and I decided that this is the day for our get together. So we went to Green Hills and did the thing that we do best when were together, shop, talk and eat. We caught up with the things that are happenin in each one's life during the duration of the break and we alsp lamented on the time we will waste during our summer class

Thursday: Nothing much happened, I just stayed at home and read

Friday: This is the most eventful day this week. I'll just show the pictures so you can find out

The cake my friends bought to celebrate my birthday, although its weeks ago

Kace lighting the candles of my cake

me and my cake

I'm blowing my candles

My Friends and Me around the cake they bought to clelebrate my birthday

Chow Down!!!!

Then we went to the pool to have some fun

Jo, Helen and Joca

Joca layzing around

The cuties

Kace taking the plunge

Jo also taking the plunge

2005-03-21T12:29:00.000+08:00

my baby won!! he actually won the Sepang Grand Prix yesterday!! and I'm so happy. You see he placed third in the Melbourne Grand Prix and I was really hoping that he would do well in the upcomming races. Gosh, when I watched the Prequalifing I was really nervous because the other top racers where at the bottom five...like Schumi..hehehehe...so I thought he woudn't be that lucky. But he proved me wrong, he did it...and it looks as if its his birthday gift to me (since they didn't have a race on my birthday)....Gosh I just wish that he would continue to do his best in the upcomming races. So unfortunate for his team mate, they could have scored more points but thing happen...that's why all throughout the race i was praying for him...It seems like I pulled it off...

Gosh I hope they win, the standing of Ferrari is not good but it looks like they're going to release their new car in the upcomming race, I just hope he can still do great in it.

Alonso and Me so happy together
Posted by Hello

This is the picture my blockmates made for my card, so it seems he really was giving me a birthday present with his winnings..=)

2005-03-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

it is over. the end is finally here. freedom is now within my reach. such joy, such exhiliration burst through my pores. my heart is beating so wildly, like a horse galloping into the wild. the time has finally come....for us to party!!!

yehey!! finally its summer already. i've been waiting for what seem like an eternity for school to be out and for me to just sit back, relax and enjoy the show..hehehe..well this week was all finals so i didn't do that much aside from studying. but something really funny happened last moday.

it was my first day for finals, also the day after my birthday. i was running a little behind since i got stuck in traffic. so i called one of my blockmates to ask if they are already there. but the thing was, while i was talking to her i could hear people laughing from the background. she herself was laughing, so i thought something was up. when i entered the classroom all my blockmates greeted my a happy birthday. i was really surprised in seeing all of them there. then two of my closets blockmates gave me this card.

we have this tradition oin my circle to give a card to the celebrant where in everyone signs on it. but the thing with my card was alonso's pic and mine where there..lol..it looks like were hugging. it was really funny and when i upload the pic ill show it. after the test we went out and ate at our favorite restaurant in katipunan... hehehe its something ill never forget

as of this moment i'm talking with those guys. i'm really gana miss all the fun we had during our eng and lit classes. were planning on going somewhere and they even though were going to be apart in the future, we shoulnd't forget the bound we formed... gosh im getting mushy

im looking forward to this vacation for although i am going back to school to catch up on classes that i still lack for my course, some of my time will be spent with my new friends and old ones.

Destiny

2005-03-12T14:20:00.000+08:00

He is out there waiting
As the sun sets, bringing forth night
He stands still. Solitary. Beckoning

A shadow in the darkness, a silhouette of night
A faceless stranger amidst the stars
The answer to my unending plight

I hear his voice, whispering
Through the winds, the rustle of the trees
Seeking me out. Seducing

"My love, my life" he chants
Slowly piercing my barred soul
"Come to me" he silently commands

My eyes flutter close, my body began to sway
His soft demand assaults my being
Saying "within my embrace is where you should stay"

Hypnotized beyond control
I slowly walk into his awaiting arms
Condemning my immortal soul

There I will lie for all eternity
Wrapped within the reapers warmth
Spending my life with this entity

2005-03-09T15:53:00.000+08:00

My birthday is just around the corner, but I'm not happy. For me its just an ordinary, telling me that school is about to end. I dont see the purpose of celebrating something that hold no meaning to me. I dont see the point of saying its "happy" when I for one am not. I'm just indifferent about it because i dont feel anything at all.

I dont see the purpose of celebrating life when I'm dying inside. I dont see the purpose of being happy when what I feel is desolation. I dont see the reason for joy and warmth when I feel cold and empty.

What's the point right? Everybody's telling me to celebrate, but you see I can seem to find anything to celebrate. Maybe its because of the knowledge that I'm going to be a year older. Or maybe its because I dont see the reason the celebrate a life in which I dont want any part of

My baby....

2005-03-06T13:31:00.000+08:00

My baby won!! my baby won! and I'm so happy for him. I was disappointed at first since his prequalifying and qualifying time was so slow (because of the hard rain) so he was placed at the bottom ten of the pole. He was at the 13th position so I wasn't holding any hopes of him going to the podium. It woud have been okay for me if he was at the top ten since had a bad start.

But he won, well technically he ranked third. From the 13th place he want up ten notches and I couldn't believe it. I was at home, staring fixedly at the tv because he was gaining and he was winning. That really made my day Plus his team mate was the one who really won the race, so it was a done deal for them.

I'm so happy I saw him again, and his victory is somewhat an early birthday present for me.

Ahhhh

2005-03-05T11:09:00.000+08:00

Its the start of the F1 season and I'm so happy because I finally saw Fernado again. Oh my gosh, he is so cute. But it sucked because their place in pre-qualifying was at the bottom 10. Well it was due to the weather. It was really pouring in Melborne. Good thing Fishecella was on the top, atleast one Renault member has a good position. They had to reschedule the qualifying because of the conditions so I have to wake up tom at around 7 to watch it. Its okay since I do wake up early anyway.

The thing that sucks is I have to do a lot of things for monday. I have 2 projects for Botany, 1 journal entry for 46 chapters (wherein we have to write about each chapter) on Lit and the stupid story book for Fil. I have to do it since there are only 3 of us in the group. One is so passive you could literally forget she' s there, then there's the guy (doi can you in this life time ever trust a guy?) so that leaves me. Oh well.

Then I had this dream the other night. It was about this someone. We were in a building, in school or in a hotel. I really dont remember. I just recall falling, my friend catching me because I had high fever. She brought me to the clinic and that's when that person showed up, along with our friend. They brought me to this room, where they placed me on the bad. Then things started to get weird. That person laid beside me, drawing me close, snuggling beside me. I was drifting to slumber when I heard our friend said. " That's not good, your not supposed to do that". But I see that person smiling and just cuddled close.

I don't know what to think, I dont know what to feel. Maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion.. Lol...

Paranoia

2005-03-01T11:37:00.000+08:00

I think something is wrong with me. There is this certain feeling inside me waiting to be unlocked, to be unleashed, to be let free and its making me afraid. Sometying is happening within me, a change, an awakenin but its covered with dread and anxiety. I think I'm turining to my old self again, the person that I have tried so hard to conceal, to hide and to vanquish. I'm returning to the person I was years before, a person whom no one in the persent can recognize, a person I tried so hard not to face

I'm becoming Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde is slowing vanishing into air

It came haunting back last thursday,a rush of emotion, a flopding of the senses clouding the mind and leaving me vulnerable. The years that have passed suddenly stares me in the eye, showing itself and mocking the person I am now

I'm confused, left in the dark not knowing what to do. Who am I? Who is the person that stares a me when I face the mirror? Who is the person I see in every photograph tha surounds thje house? Who is the person the sleeps, walks, talks and relates with my family and friends? Who am I really or better yet what am I?

Namamaalam

2005-02-24T09:53:00.000+08:00

Paalam inang nagmamahal

patawad sa aking paglisan

Ngayo'y matutupad ang matagal ng dasal

Na isang buhay na puno ng kapayapaan

Paalam amang nagtataguyod

patawad sa aking paglayo

Sa wakas iiral ng ang iyong alinsunod

at mawawaksan ang pagbabalat- kayo

Paalam kapatid, kahati sa buhay

patawad at ika'y iniwang bigo

nawa'y maintindihan sa iyong pagkalumbay

na sukdulan na ang hapdi ng aking puso

Paalam kaibigang na laging nariyan

kasakasama sa bawat gawain

Patawad at ika'y aking iiwanan

at tuluyang mawawala sa iyong piling

Paalam irog, aking sinta

laging kasama sa tuwina

Patawad at hahayaang kita

na humarap sa dusang na nag-iisa

Paalam mundo na sa aki'y nagluwal

bukang liwayway di muli mapagmamasadan

Aking wawaksan ang buhay kong pagal

upang pighati'y di na muli maramdaman

Long week end

2005-02-23T12:56:00.000+08:00

I just arrived from school (duh where else am I gana go?) and I'm virtaully free of things to do. Hehehe, this day seems so great since I got to spend some time with my blockmate Issa (since we had free cut for English), thenI saw my blockmates wear skirts. We talked about it last Monday, so I was dying to see them (plus i wanted to wear the new shirt I bought from Folded and Hung). I also so this guy I was crushing on (sort of) but I got a bit turned off because of his get up. Since the papers had already been passed (only one left and that's for eng) I'm enjoying my free time. Specially tomorrow, my class is only math and its at 730-900. Okay I still have to wake up early but hey!! I get to go home early too!!

Then there's Friday! Since its the feast of Edsa Revolution we dont have classes! Whoopee!! I get to spend my time lazing around and practically waste my time doing nothing. But alas here comes the kicker.

On Monday I have two exams. One is for Botany lecture and the other one is for Botany Lab. Then I have to pass the revised outline for English, including 15 note cards (which I have already done, thankfully) and 10 bibliocards. Also on Sunday i have to attend this fun run (which is totally not fun) for PE as my finals. So I have to wake up really early since its gana start at around 530 am

But hey, there is still plenty of time left for me to relax. I am so in dire need of a break because of the tedious work I have done for the past weeks. Thank God it finally here!! Salvation

Debbie's debut

2005-02-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my brother's birthday. We had a celebration here at home but unfortunately I wasn't able to join them. You see it was also my blockmate's party. My parents said it was okay for me to go so I went

It was so fun because it was the first time we went out as a block late at night. We had a riot because of Arthur. He's such a clown that we just kept on laughing and laughing. I also got the chance to see them dance since the four of them were part of the 18 roses. hehehe. Then after everything we got to party!!! hehehe thse guess were party animals but Issa was so shy that we had to drag her to the dance floor.

All in all it was an evening i'll never forget. So I'm going to share with you guys the pix we took last night

Kelly Nice Issa and me as Jasmie trias

Konti lang kami sa block an pumunta

Nababading na ata si marion

uyyy..anu yan?

Justin, Arthur and Ivan. Hay pacute as always

I dont know with you but these guys rock!!!

Happy Valentines Day

2005-02-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

Yo lo trate otra vez anoche. Era el dia de los enamorados mas yo no podría sentirme ningun amor, ningun calor de las personas alrededor de mi. Era tan vacia, asi que solo, izquierdo en el rincon oscuro revolcarse en auto compasion y el temblor contra el frio con que me rodea. Yo no podria parecer ayudarme. Es como si algo dentro de mi quiere escaparse de los limites rigidos de mi tan llamo la vida. Mi come adentro, royendo en la base que construi una vez. Yo no se lo que hacer ya. Con cada dia pasajero que mi resolucion desmenuza y tengo miedo. Tengo miedo por quiza un dia que acabo de ver yo mismo como un cadaver frio dentro de un ataud

So much fun

2005-02-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

hehehe, its Saaturday but alas I had to wake yp early because of my nstp. But will get to that in a little while. I'll first relate what happened to me yesterday.

It wasn't a typical friday for me. First of all I had an NSTP meeting (that ruined my shopping hours), practice for our Lit and a play to watch in the evening. It started well since I saw my 2 so called crushed that morning. The first was when we were in the corridors and the second when we were walking down the stairs. Something funny also happened that day. My block mate and I went to my car so I could unload my things. It was a shock for us to see that my othe blockmates car was beside and behind me. So with my devious mind we decided to put up their wippers.lol...but they caught us sneaking arround the parking lot so they retaliated..lol..

But something bad happened. My block mate (whom we think is gay) backed out from our scheduled practice because of some petty excuses. It really sucks because I arranged the practice so we could accomodate his schedule but apparently he doesn't give a damn about us or the presentation. So to relieve my anger Issa and I decided to go to East Wood. Actually we were really going there because we planned the whole thing weeks before nbut things came up.

So we shopped and shopped until I noticed that it was already 320 and we were supposed to meet Justin at 330!! Oh no!! so we frantically looked for a taxi and fortunately we arrived just in the nick of time. So we practiced with the songs and the puppets and we realized that we really need extra pairs of hands. Just then Marion came (he was our blockmate but not our groupmate) and we just wasted our time in Justin's house until we were ready to leave for the play

When we arived in school people were already going in but Ivan, our other blockmate was missing. Unfortunately we weren't able to locate him so we went inside without him. God! The play really sucked!! I mean it has a story and the actors were great but the way it was presented was not only sleezy but repulsive aswell. So during intermission we decided to ditch the play and just eat out. However Justin had somewhere else to go to and Nice needs to go home so only myself, Issa, Kelly and Marion went out.

It was so fun, we talked and talked and learned a lot of things from each other (specially Marion's love life..lol...) So like Justin he criticized the way I drive, saying that I'm reckless. Duh!! Asif he isn't

Okay today was our last NSTP outreach for the sem (Yeah!!!) but even though my Saturday schedule will be back to normal I'm still gana miss my kids. It was so funny because we forgot to buy food for the kids so I had to drive to Jolibee with only 15 mins remaining..Lol...my blockmates (course) were with me and like what the guys in my eng block said, I'm really reckless. What the hell, I only did that because we were running out of time. And it turns out we could ask the drivers of our jeep to bring us to Jolibee, so much for my trouble!!..So we had games when we reached the school. It was so much fun and like I said I'm going to miss those kids

But now, I have to focus on my Eng assingment. She told us to look for articles that have fallacies in them. How hard is that!!! OH well that's life

Hehehe

2005-02-09T15:50:00.000+08:00

Hehehehe...Okay yesterday my group decided to have a practice for ourLit presentation. But the thing was my other 2 groupmates have late schedules so myself, Justin and Issa were the only ones left. Unfortuantely my last class is at 1200 so was Justin's but Issa's is at 130. So we had to wait. Also it was so hot yesterday. I mean it was really hot!!! Good thing I was wearing sleveless or else I would have roasted alive. So Justin proposed to do our practice at his house. So okay, we went from Ateneo to Greenmeadows..lol..it was so fun and his house was so amazing!!..

okay back to the practice. We spent most of our time doing the props since there were a lot. But we didn't neglect to have fun. We teased Justin tremendously regarding his views on women in general. Also he told us someting about his relationship with his ex-. Awww...he's such a sweet guy and he loves his ex so much that his trying his best to win her over. Then we got a tour of his house. Issa and I practically drooled over his closet!! I swear its every girls fantasy. Its walk in and directly beside the bathroom!!! But alas we later found out that our presentation was moved on mon (eeewwweee.....valentines) so we have to reserve the venue again and porbably practice again (but were having a prob with one of our groupmates...shit I want to wring his neck....)

So my next adventure happened only a while ago. Its ash a wednesday so we had mass in our church. Because of that our class at 1030-1130 was cancelled. My blockmates and I decided to go to mass (just to get the ash...nasty) and after that we went out to eat. It was so fun because we seldom get the chance to go out. Unfortunately our planned get away this friday was postponed because of the number of actvities we have. Oh well....but were planning to go to Justin's house so we could practice again.

Quiero terminarlo todo

2005-02-06T20:08:00.000+08:00

Trate de matarme anoche. Yo no lo podria ayudar ya. Era tan cansado de mi vida y las cosas que sucedian me a. Acabo de querer para renunciar, libertarme de esta miseria, de este dolor y de todo estos sufrimiento. Quiero tener la paz no solo para yo mismo pero para mis padres. Se cómo que comida arriba ellos es conmigo tan por eso yo quise terminarlo todo, asi que su sufrimiento dejaria. Hay todavia una linea dentro de la muneca. Una linea que hice en una tentativa para terminarlo todo. Estoy solo en este mundo. Nadie adorarme y nadie adorar. Yo no se lo que hacer mas con mi vida. Para tan largo he abrigado el penso de la matanzame y es solo ahora que hice la accion. Quiero morir, ahora y para terminar todo estos afligen. Acabo de querer para ir. Ah Dios apenas me toma ahora, y termino mi existance miserable

Work...work...work

2005-02-03T11:25:00.000+08:00

Wow I can't believe that the week is about to end. Even though its Thrusday I feel asif its only Tuesday. Maybe its because of all the things that I did the previous days. I remember my schedule last weekend. I actually I didn't have a week end:

Friday:
730-830: English, we had to work on our magazine that was due the following week
830-930: Lit
1030-1130: Botany *so far nothing dastardly has occurred so here's the twist*
100-400: Study for Botany because we have a long test the following Monday
700-900: watch play for Filipino

Saturday:
700-1200: NSTP
200-4:00: Watch Film for Lit at the UP Theatre
600-900: Go to Mass and eat out with my family

Sunday:
1000-400: Study for Botany
400-600: Write paper for Lit and finalize magaine for Eng

See? How fun my life was those past days? But the fun hasn't stopped. Im currently having problems with our Lit presentations. We're going to present the story "Dead Stars" by Paz Marquez Benitez by using creative means. My group decided that we do a puppet show so the task of doing the scrip fell on me. It was okay at first even though the story was 20 pages long, twice that of the other groups, but when our prof questioned our method of execution, I wanted to scream at her. Good thing myblock mate (who thought of thew whole concept ) intervened (also we think our prof has a rush on him).

Also I'm currently working on my shifting requirments. I'm going to transfer to BS pcyhology hopefully by summer. Gosh, I have so much subjects to catch up since the AB has lesser science than the BS. So I'm practically killing all my summer and my time so I could graduate on time. Pluse we have tons of paper. But for me they are okay, I mean all you need is time (which works for me oz I do things ahead) , pen, paper and your mind all your all set.

Good thing my schedule right now permits me to rest and relax. My PE and Fil were freecut so I got to go home early. Plus I got the chance to talk with the person incharge of the shifting in the Psych dept, so I know now what to do in the comming summer. I only have to work on the Lit presentations, the things needed and the things my kids would use in NSTP.

And then, Valentines is just arround the corner *sighs* Well I don't have anything against Valentines but still I'm both pissed and depressed because of its comming. Well I'm pissed because its such a mushy day. I mean, specially in school I think its the time where all the couples will celebrate because they can show how much they love their significant other to the whole world. Puhllleaaassse, asif we care right? But still I'm kind of depressed knowing that there is no significant other for me....*wail* I still can't believe it!! Four years without having a crush!! Although crush is way different from love, its still depressing that I can't seem to find that perfect one. *sighs* Oh well maybe its not meant to be...LOL..whatever..such cheezyness..ewwweee...

Woe is me...

2005-01-25T17:15:00.000+08:00

I'm so depressed. I got my mid term marks last Monday and well they weren't that good. Actualy there were only 2 subjects that really made my grades look bad. Math (duh what's ner?) and Fil. My Fil grade really sucked coz we weren't expecting to get that low of a grade. I think he's basis for our grades is our recitaiton and those awful quizes about Balarila that he makes us take. So there, almost all of us just got a passing grade. But the mid term marks or advisory marks are really not a good basis on the probability of us students passing Ateneo. Sometimes te teachers just make up grades or just take the score of one test so they could present something for the release of marks. So okay, that wasn't really bad. I can still make good in the comming weeks and I jsut have to exert more effort in participating in my Fil class..

So, well that's not the only thing that made me so blue..lol...well last Monday again, my guy blockmates from english scolded me. Can you believe it? They were doing the tsking sound along with those knowing stares and head shakes. And all because of my recklessness..lol..in driving. My block mate told me that he followed me along Katipunan while I made the U turn in front of gate 3. They went beside me and tooted me (tooted?...whatever..hehehe) so that I could recognize them. But duh!!I was concentrating on the road and why the hell would I care if someone was pissed of with the way I was driving?...So they said I was a reckless driver, and the dead give away that the person driving was me was because of the stickers at the back of my car. Sure I know a lot of guys who have Ateneo stickers stuck on their cars. But have you ever seen a guy's car having a Power Puff sticker? Hell no!!! So they pin pointed immediately that the person driving was me..hehehe...sorry guys...

Agony...shear agony

2005-01-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

Do you know the saying: " Your brain is turned into mush"? I believe I'm actually experiencing that phenomenon. I can feel my brain liquidating as of this moment. I think in a few minutes its going to shut down by itself and render me stupid. Its all because of math. I'm going to have my mid term test in math tom evening and its driving me insane. I have to do good in it because I totally screwed our last two exams. Sure sure..I'm only taking Math 12, the easiet math there is in Ateneo but believe me, the tests are not easy.

I think its because of my teacher. He's a sadistic S-O-B. Imagine only about 5 in my class got a good grade in our first test. Comparing it with the other classes wherein almost all of them get an A, my class totally sucks. So I have to study really hard for it, but the weird thing is even though you study ( seeing that the lesson is really easy ) when the test comes your totally dead. Another reason is because of the length of the equations and solutions needed in order to answer the problem

Back in high school, 2 matices are enough to eat up half of you time but in my class, were solving 3 - 4 matrices that are really long. So you see time is of the essence. But I dont think our professors know that.

*sighs* so there you have it, my agony for this day. Good thing I can go home before the test so atleast I could still study. But God!!! what good will it do?

An Adventure

2005-01-16T08:22:00.000+08:00

Friday: I was really excited. My groupmates and I were going to Gateway that afternoon for our Feature Article in English. We are going to focus on the mall's Cineme. I have bever been there so I was giddy with delight because I will not only see the new place but I'm having a chance to shop!!! My block mate Issa, wanted to come with us although she wasn't part of the group. Unfortunately her class ends at 1130 while ours end at 1230

Fate or myabe God has other plans. My meeting scheduled at 1130-1230 was cancled. So I called her up and asked her if she still wants to join us. We were debating if we would go ahead since were going to waste an hour of shopping time waiting for my groupmates. I was in full agreement to go but there was this guilt in me because I was going to leave Vanny (my group mate) with my other group mate whom we really detest

So off we went, and it was really fun. We ride her car and arrived at Gateway in about 30 min. Gosh she is really fun to be with while in the mall. We shopped till our feet drop and waited for the others to come. But something happened. Vanny texted me saying that our other groupmates hasn't arrived yet and she doesn't have his num. Well I also didn't have it (bad.....) so I texted my other eng block mates looking for his num. It was then that this swet thing happened. Every one told me that they didn't know his num so I asked this one guy whom we're somewhat close if he could ask our other blockmates and help me find that damn number. Guess what he did look for it..AWWW....If he wasnt Chinese and if I just feel a little something for him I would have fallen (even Issa) for him a long time ago. I didn't know that chivalry still exist.

Okay so there, they arrived but we had this problem taking picutres of the place. Apparently it was not allowed. So we talked to the manager of the cinema who directed us to the marketing manager of the place. Can you believe all the trouble we went through just for picture?...Then when the guy found out we were from Ateneo, he was in total agreement for us to take picutres...After that Issa and I went shopping again. Then we went back to school because I left my car there and Issa will meet up with her group mates since they're going to Qiapo. I saw my math teacher from highschool in the campus, can you believe it? He looked like one of us...hehehehe

Saturday: NSTP day, it was the first time that we met the kids that we were going to teach. They were really cute but some where really shy. Later I found out that some of the kids that didn't participate in the activities we had was because they cant read and are ashamed for the others to see. It was really fun, we interacted and played with the kids although they kept forgeting what my name was (it was hard for them to prnounce it). After that my parens picked me up since my car needed repairs. So we went to Sta. Lucia to eat lunch that led to my going shopping again. It was sale, and those four letters make me hyperventilate and make me see different things lol...

Sunday: Now its sunday, I have to rest because I have a paper due tom and I also have a quiz in Botany. My agenda is going to church and coming back here because of that. I need to study because mid term week if finally here

Friday..

2005-01-07T13:12:00.000+08:00

Gosh, we just came back from our Christmas vacation but it seems like we haven't been to one. Papers are due one each day and there are still more comming. Assingments are being given by truck loads and they are not easy to make. Plus there are the extra curricular activities such as orgs and the like. They're not a piece of cake. I'm just glad that my schedule permits me to do these things earlier so I could enjoy my time more

I'm really happy with the events that happened within this week although there are still minor glitches in my mood. Last Wednesday my prof in Botany returned our long test. I was really surprised because I got a relatively high grade. The test was a major pisser. The identification was okay, the essay was fine but it was really long but the multiple choice was a major disaster. She didn't each us those things so I just guessed the answers. Good for me that some of my answers were correct.

*Sighs* I dont think I could enjoy my weekend that much. I have to finish my paper in Lit (which is half done), do the poster , paragraph and description for Eng (which is so long) and finish my Botany home work (which agitates me because I cant find the last tissue!!!) But hey I do believe I'm doing things way ahead so I would porbably finish them in record time. Good thing we wont have NSTP tom because I still want to stay in bed and not wake up at 5 am.

Happy New Year

2005-01-03T13:47:00.000+08:00

Wow a brand new year, a brand new start and a brand new adventure. I can't believe that the year is finally over and there' s a new one yawning in the horizon ( man!! sorry, studying lit!). But it only seems like yesterday when I first entered college, when I met my new set of friends and when I first encountered the grading system. And now I on the last phase of my freshman year and in a few months I'll turn 19!!! Yuck such an old soul already.

Oh well but since the year has laready started it also means that I have to go back to school again. Arrghh..I dont want to see the face of my Lit teacher and this paper I'm doing for Fil is pissing me off. Why is it that writing ing English is a piece of cake while making an essay in Filipino rattles the brain?

Damn, but I also want to go back so I could see my friends and catch up to what happened to them. Specially Marion, he was in Thailand when all hell broke loose. We were so worried but then we found out he was in Bangkok and not Phuket. But he tlod us that he felt the earthquake while he was in their hotel room. Neat!!

Shox, have to end this for now, have to do that damn paper..

Slumber party!!

2004-12-28T11:02:00.001+08:00

As usual I didn'n post this because I was waiting for the pictures to be developed. Hehehe, so last december 22-23 my bakada and I decided to have a get together since its been a long time since we last saw each other. So we went to Joca's house and unleashed all our pent up energies..lol..we watched movies, drank a lot of ....soda, ate tremendous quantities of chips, screammed our heads off while following the bouncing ball, played cards and talked until exhaustion took place at arround 430 in the morning. It was really fun!! We even took pictures of Joanna while she was sleeping and recorded her snoring because she was the first person to drop dead. But its in my phone. Darn!!! hehehe..here are some pictures we took in that so called slumber party

VIDEOKE!!!! along with other necessities such as drinks, chips and cake

Talking and talking with no care to the world

Just before we slept we were still taking pictures of our beautiful selves

Fixing our pulutan among other things

*sighs* I'm really going to miss seeing this guys once school starts. Miss you guys

A day worth remembering

2004-12-27T08:45:00.000+08:00

I forgot to post this because of the many things that were happeneing in my life..lol and well I was also a bit lazy to upload them. My last day before the christmas was spent with my Englisgh block since English was the only subject I had for that day. We had exchange gifts and everything. We gave 3 of our boys ( the boys we usually hang out with ) special gifts to show them how much we value them. lol...

We gave Ivan things from the "Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage" and a rosaary so that he would be protected whenever he uses his car. Somehow he always ends up bumping the car anywhere. For Justin, his picture in a bunny frame for him to remember the day he portrayed a role of a rabbit for our Lit presentation. And for Marion, Pooh floaters since he was a part of his high school's swimming varsity.

After that, we went with Ivan to hang his things inside the car and went for a joy ride. It was really fun and something I wont forget.

Here are our pictures

From left to right: Vanny, Me, Issa and Nice. We're inside Ivan's car going on a test drive to see if the things we gave him will protect him from accidents

Marcee and me in the parking lot infront of Xavier Hall

Ivan with the things we gave him so that his car would be safe from sharp objects, in comming vehicles and from himself

Market Market

2004-12-21T07:16:00.000+08:00

I cant believe it! I'm up so early in the morning. Still not used to the break time schedules.

Yesterday my friends and I (along with my sis) decided to go to Market Market since I haven't been there yet. But first we had to make a stop at the LTO coz my best friend is going to get a students liscence. Yehey!!! So we took a jeepney from her house to the LTO office near the Municipal Hall of Cainta. But when we got there, the LTO office was gone!!! AHHH!!! So I called up my dad and asked him where it was now. Damn we wasted alomst 30 mins

So we decided to go to Market Market already and to do that we had to look for an FX that has a Crossings sign. Ahhhh!!! It was so hard!! We were out in the streets, inhaling the exhaust fumes of the cars (that made me so sick again) and it was so hot. We went to 3 different stops bnut we still couldn't find transportation. But after roughly an hour of waiting we found one. AMEN!!!

We reached Crossing but we still had to go to my aunt's office. So we rode a tricycle. I couldn't believe how many public tranportation vehilces we got into!!..lol...but going to Market Market, we her driver bring us.

Wow!! I was so shocked because it was soooo big!!! I literally lost my head while shopping. My friends had to restrain me because I wanted to go here and there and shop here and there!!lol..

Now here' s the fun part. In order to go home we had to ride the taxi going to Galle and ride the FX ( again) in order to go to Cainta. Looking for a taxi was easy but waiting in line for an FX at rush hour is hell!!! Still I had a great time although my ffet hurt a lot and my ungs are about to collapse!! hehehe...try it

Can you feel it?

2004-12-16T13:45:00.000+08:00

It is comming.

The dark mist is moving from the west.

Slowly ever so slowly, making its prescence known.

The winds are slowly rising.

Blowing, blowing

So Strong, so powerful, so sure of its intent.

It is screaming, can't you hear it?

Howling, howling. Like a cornered animal so sure of its impending death.

It is comming.

The sun is covered by angry clouds.

So black, so dark that not a single ray of light could penetrate.

The flowers are wilting, dying one bye one.

The birds are no longer singing, nor grazing the trees around

Death permeates the air.

An odor so foul, so rancid is left in its wake

The world is slowly being engulfed in a dome of shadows for what lies ahead is to horrendous to accept.

It is comming.

No prayer, no plea could stop its voyage.

No amount of hope, no amount of want could hinder its path.

It is comming.

It brings forth coldness that embraces your existence.

Like a cloak that takes away all the warmth

Its touch are like frozen talons burrying itself into your heart

Oh the pain, such pain, such agony

As though your soul is being wrenched from your body, leaving you numb.

Empty

It is comming.

And there is nothing that can be done

I plead exhaustion

2004-12-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

I feel like a wrung out wet cloth. My head hurts like hell, I dont feel well and I still have to study for my Botany long test (that we were supposed to take last Friday). I just woke up. Funny right? Well its not. I woke up arround 400 this morning because I had to go to school for the Fun Run. Let's put it this way, it wasn't fun. It was so tiring because we had to run from the cov-courts to the Moro gym then to Bel passing ISO then gate 3 going to arround the Blue Eagle Gym then passing infront of the grade school then back to the cov-courts .

The sad thing was I didn't eat breakfast. Stupid of me right? Lol..well my parent were still sleeping and I really didn't think about my stomach so off I went, driving through darkeness and arriving at my destination with only ice tea in my tummy

But I did eat once I reached the house. I was so famished that I ate a huge bowl of soup. My parents were still a litlle bit droggy since I did wake them up. But they were going on this gift-giving activity (for my dad's club) so they really had to wake up early. Then they left me because I was really so exhauted that I couldn't form a coherent thought.

After they left (and after I ate) I instantlly fell on the bed and slept. But like anyone who wakes up from an afternoon nap, I didn't feel peachy after.

Luck was not by my side

2004-12-11T13:58:00.000+08:00

I just finished taking a bath. Weird right? I mean taking into consideration that I just took a bath oh say about 6 hours ago? Let's just say that I have a valid reason for doing it. I mean if you smell like rotten vegetables with a combination of exhaust fumes, I do believe you would also do what I did.

Okay recap of what happened for me to do such a hygenic thing. Today's our first NSTP meeting. Since it was the first, and my best friend was going to hitch with me, we went there realtively earlier than what was expected. We waited for about 30 mins before we were officially called to board pur jeeps. I was really excited, well since we were like going on a read trip. I was thinking that whatever we would do was comparable to what we did back in our CAT days in fourth year

So we arrived at the school. It was found in Payatas so you can just imagine what the surroundings (not to mention the smell) was like. We waited for about an hour there, just standing and being idle. Then we found out that we were in the wrong school!!! Can you imagine? we wasted an hour doing nothing because the driver of the jeep followed the wrong directions. So we waited again for half an hour for the jeeps in our school to fetch us. So we had to take another trip into the dirty, smelly and smokey highway

But at last we arrived. It was really an adventure, we were like a part of the amazing race. But it was also a little scary, coz the school that we were assingned to was only 100 meters away from the dump site. It was really risky to leave there. The people that inhabit that place are not what you would like to be friends with. I'm not saying that they're not nice but their upbringing and ways are very different from what we are accustomed to. And the smell!!! God...I think it came from the combination of rotten food with a little of this and that that were already passed their expiration dates

Since we were late, the Skills training started late arround 1030. Meaning that I had been awake for 5 hours already!!! Ugh...then they gave these talks on how to know if the kid is not ready to read and it was sooooooooooo...majorly boring. Good thing our faci told the teachers that thay had to cut it and let us eat. I was so lethargic with the lack of food ( because the last thing I ate was oh five hours ago) that I might have fallen asleep in the middle of there instructions. Then finally we went home.

So there you have it...my amazing day that ended in tragedy...oh well there's still tom.

A week to remember

2004-12-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

Okay its Friday and its been a long time since i last posted here so I'll just give a brief run down of what transpired in my little sphere this couple of days

Tuesday: We had Monday schedule because of the trmendous number of suspension of classes that fall every Monday. But we were going to have a mass, scheduled at 1030-1130 so it means that we wouldn't have Botany!!! Yehey!! so together with my english block, we decided to eat out for once. So there, we went to Kamirori in Katipunan and had a blast. But there was only one glich. You see we had to use my car since I'm the only one in my circle of friends there that has a car and can drive. But on the way back to school something happened to me. My car wont start!!! Shit... I was majorly pissed! I mean how the heck will I go back to school right? So I called up my dad ( whose phone is out of coverage area) and ask him what I'm supposed to do. It turns out the stering wheel was locked and I only had to turn it hard on the left side and start the ignition inorder to start the car

Wednesday: It was my parents anniversary at it also happens to be the Feast of the Immaculate Conception ( weird right?). So we went to hear mass early in the morning and we went out so we could celebrate. We also went to a new shopping center in Libis. Its like Cosco in the States. It was cool

Thursday: Nothing really significant happened this day. The only thing was my math class ( that was 730-900) was cancled or in other terms we had free cut. Could you imagine math having free cut? It really weird. And my next class was at 900 so I had to wait for it. But then PE (my next class) only took about roughly 20 mins because we only measured our body fats (lol...). Then came Filipino..well you be the judge of that.

Friday: Finally its friday, but I still have to go to school tom and on Sunday. *sighs* Oh well. Okay this day totally sucks!! I mean it!! We were supposed to have our long test in Botany today since we weren't able to take it last Monday (we lacked another set of hand outs). I studied for it for a week already because seh postponed it only when we had our meeting last Monday. So okay, I was a little bit apprehensive since I dont know how she gives a test. Then the bombshell drops. We were waiting for her for 10 mins already (since after 10 mins it means free cut) and she still hasn't come. So our beadle went to the department and asked about her. They told us they have a substitute and wait for another 5 mins. So we waited...and waited...and waited...until the beale told us its free cut. Damn!! I've studied and studied for that test...but all for naught!!! Grr.....

I'm Alive!!!

2004-12-06T15:26:00.000+08:00

I can't believe how much we take for granted the little things that make our life worthwhile. I mean from the food that we eat to the clothes that we wear, we really do not appreciate these gifts. I for one have neglected one of them and that is the telephone. Yes the telephone. I have used this device for as long as I can remember. From talking to my friends to using the internet, the telephone has been a very big part of my life. Yet I did not see its grave importance, until now.

You see we have lost one of our lives beacuse an unscrupulous person stole the wires of the telephone line for subdivision near us. Unfortunately one of our lines was connected there. Thus my bestfriend and I were rendered immobile because we can not talk to each other for the duration of roughly 3 weeks.

It was a good thing that our other line was still working. However I had to compete not only with my sister but also with my parents in using the phone. Specially during the time of the typhoon because from sunup till sundown my sister was using the phone

But now, I'm alive. I can finally talk to my friends and see how they fare without me. I will never, i mean never take this piece of equipment for granted again for now that I have suffered the results of its loss, I can now savor its real worth.

*parang essay noh?*

Friday..

2004-12-03T13:17:00.000+08:00

Shox, its not raining anymore. I do love it when in rains, specially when there's a typhoon. I'm not only happy because there's a big chance that there won't be any classes the next day but there's this certain joy when I see the strong winds blowing and the rain beating hard against the concrete. I know, I'm weird. My dad even scolded me because I was really sad when I realized that the storm changed its course. He said " A lot of people are really happy that the super typhoon will not directly hit the metro but your sad because its not raining anymore"

Well can you blame me if I love that kind of weather. It's so sinister, so eerie, so powerful that you cant just help but love it. Okay anyway, I'm a bit happy since there's no classes today but I still have to study for my botany test on monday. Hopefully she (my prof) would reschedule our test since we haven't recieved her final handouts and we haven't reviewed as a class for it. But to be safe I'm studying

I texted my block mate a while ago. I wanted to know if we were going to have our NSTP tom. Lol...I really didn't want to go. I don't know, I'm just plain old lazy to go there since it wold start at 7 am and end at 12. Shox such a waste of a perfectly good saturday morning. But she told me that we wont have NSTP!!! Yehey!!! but hey, I'll devote my time studyin (asif)..lol...

Cont....

2004-12-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

Gosh..the storms really strong. I can hear the wind and rain outside my window and its alarming. I recieved an email a while ago and there was an attachment there about the storm. It is really alarming since the picture made me see that the storm is as big ( or even bigger) as the country!!! I also saw in the news that signal number 4 is already raised in some parts of the country. Whoa!!! I really think that this storm would make a very big impact in our lives

Okay change topic. Remember I told you in my other post that my block mate's note book is with me. I was really distressed because I knew that the storm would come this evening so I really didn't know how I would give it to her. She texted me just recently and told me if I could just email her some parts of her notes that were not part of the hand outs. I know its tedious work but since I did borrow her notes I did it. At least I wont be worried and guilty if she cant study for out test.

Gosh..I'm logging out already. The strom's making me twitchy...

Typhoon Yoyong

2004-12-02T15:09:00.000+08:00

Everything started normally for me this morning. My alarm clock went off at 5 am. I woke up. Opened my lamp. Got out of bed and went to get my towels ( I have two because I have long hair). That's when things began to change. My towels were not in their proper place. So I went to my parents room ( so I could go to their bathroom) and got my towels. My dad's alarm clock wasn't going off yet so they were still asleep. The cool thing about their alarm clock is that it has a built in radio. So while I was getting my towels I was listening to the news.

That's when I learned that all classes for all levels were canceled because of the comming typhoon. Gosh! wow I couldn't believe it. What are the chances of college students having no classes when there's a typhoon? Like zilch right? They only cancel classes when its signal number 3 or if the roads leading to the school are flooded.

So I went back to bed and woke up arround 8:30. The weird thing is it wasn't raining ( that hard) outside. So I was thinking, why would theyh cancel classes if it wasn't raining that heavily? I'm not complaining about the free day, its just that the news said the typhoon would arrive in Manila this evening, not this morning. So why cance right?

Still, I'm really not enjoying this free day coz I'm studying for my Botany test on Monday. I know its only Thursday, who in their right mind would study this early? Well I'm just covering my bases. I mean what if something bad happened? What if my family has to go somewhere this weekend? Plus, I do have NSTP this Saturday so how could I study if I'm that tired.

Well its relatively okay since I already studied the other parts. I just need the notes given by my prof so I could end this. But I'm a bit worried because I think we wont have classes tom and my blockmates note book is with me. I mean how could I give it back to her? Damn this typhoon. ....

Hmm...on a second thought...I love the rain!!!!

Its December already

2004-12-01T13:42:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh its december already and I still dont have enough money to buy gifts for my friends ( the money is only enough to buy stuff for me..lol..) And just think in three months time I'll turn 19!!! man..and I still dont have love life..lol..

Oh well...Okay since we cant do anyhting about the changing months I'll just tell you a little something that happened me these days. Okay yesterday we had our Math 12 long exam. Well maybe you'll say its just easy coz incomparisson to what the Math 19 and 21 are taking up it is somewhat easy. But think again!!! So we were kind off goofing arround before our test started. We were making all kinds of jokes because we thought though we didn't study we would do well in the test. Shet!!! I can't believe it. I mean yeah the test was not that hard but it was brain racking!! We had an item, an indentity matrix thing (that was our topic, matrices) and we couldn't find the answer coz when we did the steps everything became zero (which by the way should not be the case if you are doing the steps correctly). Sucks, whatever will be will be.

Okay another. I was absent last Wednesday (remember?) but my block mate, whom I adore so much, let me borrow the notes I missed in Botany. She told me that we would have a quiz on our next meeting (that's today since we didn't have any classes last Monday). So fine, I studied (can you believe it?) all those things in the handout. It was not an easy task since I was memorizing the five kingdoms found in the earth!! After studying my head was filled with different phylums and their sub divisions.

But guess what. We did had a quiz. But it wasn't about the topics I really studied for!!! OH gosh!!!I wanted to scream then and there but hey, had to restrain myself. Still, I did know the topics that were in the quiz so I think I aced it. But still....*sighs*

So there you have it. Its only the middle of the week. Dont worry I think there would be a lot more blunders in the days to come

Home alone...

2004-11-28T14:05:00.000+08:00

My cousin just left a while ago. She spent the night here at my house because she wanted me to help her with her book report. Its about the conflicts within the short story of her choice. Hehehe...but since she hates reading and I love reading..well she asked for my help. Well actually I already have short stories that have notes because we used them in my english class when I was in fourth year. But since the story has notes already, we just spent the time talking ang catching up with the things that are happening or that happened in our lives

The two of us really have a lot in common because we underwent somehow that same experinces in reagards with loving someone. So she knows the things that happened to me before and I know the things that happened to her too. In a way we get to have someone to talk to and ask for help. So we stayed up until the wee hours of the night just talking and well venting up the emotions locked within us ( whoa...hehehe)

Okay, but here's the sad part. My family's going to spend the night in a hotel, without me!!! Ugh...its because I have a test in Math on Tuesday so if I go with them I woudn't be able to study ( Asif you could study for math...) So here I am, stranded in our house without company ( well except for our maid) and stuck with books that I just want to throw away. Ugh...then my sister is inviting me to the grade 7 legacy this comming monday which would feature South Boarder. But since I have a test, I can't come!!!

*sighs* Oh well, at least my sis is not here to pester me!! hehehe... You know what? my dad told me yesterday that I may be anemic. I compared my skin color with my brother ( who by the way is the whitest *if there is a word a such* among us) and I was yellowish in color. I think I'm going to het a CBC test to see if I really am anemic. Gosh..what's happening to me

Que es el punto a vivir?

2004-11-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

Odio mi vida. Yo me odio. Odio todo que es arround mi. Odio este sentimiento de sentir nada hacia cualquiera. Odio que este sentimiento de ser perdido, no instruido que soy y lo que soy causado. Odio a las personas que no dan un maldito acerca de las cosas que sucede dentro de mi. Las personas quien pense me adoraron, me cuide de, eso se supuso ser una parte de mi. Ellos no hacen nada pero me causa que aflija y ellos no cuidan si ellos hacen. Quiero morir, aqui mismo en este momento. Que es el punto de vivir si yo no me siento vivo? Para que es el punto de vivir si hay nadie para mi vivir? Agrieto arriba, rompiendo aparte y nadie cuidaría si identificacion sucede. Acabo de querer para morir, terminar todo esta miseria porque yo no pienso que puedo aguantar mucho mas

Free cut

2004-11-26T14:18:00.000+08:00

Thank God I was able to go to school already. I still have a tremendous headache but I'd rather have that than be as weak as a baby.Throughout the day that I was sick I looked like a ghost, all waxen and pale...lol..Ok anyway last night, I thought my head was going to explode from the pain, but it gradually receded. My dad said its due to water loss because of the things I threw up. (Man...I was like the exorcist...) So they had to make me drink all those foul stuff until today. I wasn't able to eat oily foods ( thus no chocolates, pizzas and junk food...) because they told me I just might puke them all

But hey, although my heads being pounded by 20 hammers, I had free cut in Botany. So cool. Actually I didn't know that we had free cut, my blockmate just told me when I arrived in our classroom without a single soul present ( I'm so dense right?...) It was because my prof is one of the organizers of the event (something to do with microscopes..) that was taking place in school.

So here I am...typing my misery because of this stupid headache. I think I better lie down and rest because my body seems to be asking for it though my mind is thinking of something else...lol...asif

Damn....

2004-11-25T13:01:00.000+08:00

Gosh, my life sucks. Last night, the epidemic that I had became worst. I had a hard time standing up and even though I was lying down my stomach still hurt. It was grinding and turning. I had a hard time going to sleep because of the pain I was undergoing. My mom even wanted me to be brought to the hospital because of the intense pain. But I didn't want to.

She told me that it might have been caused by something I ate, and that' s why my body is acting like that to tell me that there is poison in my body and that these toxic substances sould be released.

Because of this, I wasn't able to go to school. But I still had to go for I have Lab and its really hard to miss a session. So although I'm feeling a bit quesy I still went to school.

Gosh...I hope this would pass coz I really am having a hard time

I think somethings wrong

2004-11-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

I cant believe it. December is just arround the corner. Everything related to the joyous event that would occur are grazing everything that is arround me. Two months ago I wasn't even planing on my Christmas list yet, then all of a sudden its December. But now, I'm gradually awating the time Christmas comes because my cousin from states is going to spend the holidays here. I think were going to go to Boracay and loose our heads there. So I may not got to states this December. But still....Man, doesn't time fly so fast? I mean, it was as though I only had my debut but then in a few months i'll be turning 19 ( God I'm old!!!).

Oh well, can't change my age nor could I change the flow of time ( Man that's deep...lol..). But my day sucks. I dont know, I think somethings really wrong with me. A while ago, while I was still at school, my stomach really hurt. I thought I was about to have my monthly coz it hurt like hell!!! I swear!!! It was really hard for me to stand but the pain didn't last that long, so I thought " Gosh magkakaron pa ata ako". But then my stomach started heaving something up my throat. I couldn't believe it, I was about to throw up and it was only 8:00 in the morning and I didn't eat that much breakfast.

I was really feeling poorly by the time I relieved myself. But it happened to me twice and its disgusting me already. I thought it was something that I ate. My blockmates even thought that maybe I have food poisoning or something. But jeez, I dont think I ate anything that's tainted last night and this morning. Gosh...maybe I'm dying...

Hmmmmm......that's something to think about (hopefully)

ACP....

2004-11-19T16:48:00.000+08:00

I just came from my ACP class ( Alternative Class Program) and I had so much fun! The class I chose was Capoiera, the Brazilian Martial Arts.I was really lucky that I had that class because it was really popular, I mean a lot of people wanted that class but they only had limited slots. It was so cool. The speakers were from Portugal ( I think ) and they told us how Capoiera started.

It was really fascinating. Then they taught us the basics of Capoiera. Men!!! Could you see me doing hand-stands and some break dancing moves? But I did them!!! Well I was not quite that good, but hey it was my first time so I really amazed myself with the stunts that we did.

Then they gathered us together and told us that we were going to "play" Capoiera. Gosh!!!! our speakers started tossing, turning, tumbling and doing all those stunts that made us all gape at them. Then they gave us the oppurtunity to try them out. Gosh!!! I really had a blast

But now, I'm missing mmy baby already. He went out for a camping trip to Island Cove ( is that what you call camping? ) and he wont come back until tommorow...AAAWWWW......I still cant believe he lelt me alone here..(*sighs*) But I know he' s having the time of his life now

A Plea......

2004-11-17T13:33:00.000+08:00

Take my life, I beg of thee

put an end to my misery

Kill me now, I beg of you

for I do not know what more to do

Set me free from this emptiness

a life without an once of happiness

Let me go to fly away

for there is no reason for me to stay

Draw out this empty soul

and free me from my mortal role

Cut me free from my strings on earth

that bind me to endless pain and hurt

Free me from this mindless state

that lies and foolishness did create

Stop the life that flow within

and let the future be left unseen

I beseech thee, grant my request

to take away this life I detest

I pray to thee, give in to my demands

for I may end it all with my own hands