therI don’t know if its me or the weather, but for the past few days im not only reflective but melancholy as well. As the rain continues to fall down, I cant help but stare out the window and think, and in thinking I was able to look inside me. It seems the problem I had before not only escalated but has reoccurred tenfold. They say that the problem is within me for I am the one the built the wall to conceal my vulnerabilities inside. I erected a shield that would hinder anyone from piercing through my armor. Thus I am left with the person I am now, someone who’s utterly lost and empty inside. Yes I admit I am straying away from pain and emotions alike and its because I don’t want to be disappointed in the end. It seems that every time I hope it all ends to nothing, every time I yearn what I want just moves so far from my reach and every time I finally see the light, it is but a mirage, an illusion. Yes I am scared of being hurt because I don’t know what I would do if I’m dealt with that kind of pain again but the sole reason for my evasion might stem from my fear. It seems odd that something like this has ruled my persona for a long time. I’ve tried my best to look for the answer but nothing seems right enough to correct the wrong that I’ve done. It seems that with each passing day I’m slowly dying because the strong passions I had before are now fading away. Maybe like they said I just need something to keep myself occupied, but even that seems too much to ask. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just really tired. My life right now seems so pointless, so hollow and there’s nothing I can do to correct it. Yes something is wrong with me but the cure is so hard to find