Sunday, November 27, 2005

 
Algo es realmente injusticia conmigo. Es como si hay un virus dentro de mi, lentamente rotas mis defensas, devorando mi cordura. Hay tiempos que yo solo quiero soltarse, como penso hay un monstruo dentro de mi esperando para obtener libre pero otros tiempos que yo solo quiero terminarlo todo.


Soy analizar aun psicome, pero la cosa es puedo encontrar todavia lo que esta equivocado conmigo. Extrano lo penso puede parecer hay los casos que quiero quemar cada libro que tengo en mi cuarto. Los libros acerca del amor son los unicos refugios del horario agitado de mis estudios, los libros que aclaran arriba mi dia y donde puedo ver donde amor verdadero hace existe realmente. Mas los leyendo no me dan placer ya. Es como si las palabras que lo contenga ridiculizan mi es, me incitando y me diciendo que sere para siempre la manera que soy, perdido y solo. Hay todavia tiempos que yo me revolco en este hoyo de la depresion que lleva a la tendencia de llegar a ser suicida. He pensado de cien maneras de terminar mi existencia, todavia no podria empujar la depresion consigo. Yo no se por que

Solo tengo que expresarlo, para alguien para leerlo y tal vez ayudarme en mi apuro. Soy tan perdido y con cada día de paso es como si suelto mi verdadero mi. Con esto la gente podria encontrarme solo encarcelado dentro de una institucion mental.


# created by Syre @ 11/27/2005 04:36:00 PM 0 reactions

Friday, November 25, 2005

 

When will it end?

Its still there
Emptiness deep inside
Taking up the place
Where pains once reside
A seed implanted
Nurtured by regret
Sprouting roots of despair
Due to dreams never met
No amount of searching
No amount of plea
Would fill in the gap
That was left gaping within me
Answers were sought
Actions were done
Yet no amount of longing
Could stop what had already begun
Tears wont fall
Pain, hardly shown
Emotions were trapped
As though hardly known
I have lost myself
My sense of being
Enclosed in a prison
Of my own doing
A yearning left unquenched
An ache, unsated
A hunger digging deep
Which pain had created
Yet time has passed
Seasons gone by
Still it festers inside
Urging me to die
When will this end?
When will this cease to be?
For in each passing day
I am loosing the true me

# created by Syre @ 11/25/2005 07:32:00 PM 0 reactions

Saturday, November 19, 2005

 

Back to reality

The week has passed since I've been back in the Philippines, facing the load of school as well as the demands of the teachers. The month that I've spent in the West Coast seemed like a dream, a dream I will always cherish. It seems unreal that I spent that amount of time away from home, from my family and friends and from the issues lingering in the country. The days that I spent shopping, going around the state and meeting my relatives seems like a thing of the past, but what an experience it was

Now I'm back it seems as though a lot has changed, not only in me but in my life. Functioning for school is still hard since I have bouts of jet lag, but I'm happy. When I returend it seemed as though I was gone for a lone time. When I went to school my friends screamed when they saw me, as though we haven't seen each other for decades. Its a heartwrming feeling, to be missed that much...
I wasn't able to write about my adventure but those who want to see it can view them through http://syre.multiply.com
I really had a blast

# created by Syre @ 11/19/2005 04:27:00 PM 0 reactions

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

 

the count down

i'm counting the days

of my return

to reality

to my world

but time is flying

and i'm confussed

if I should rejoice

or be gloomed

the clock is ticking

my dream is at an end

# created by Syre @ 11/01/2005 08:04:00 PM 0 reactions