Sunday, November 28, 2004
Home alone...
My cousin just left a while ago. She spent the night here at my house because she wanted me to help her with her book report. Its about the conflicts within the short story of her choice. Hehehe...but since she hates reading and I love reading..well she asked for my help. Well actually I already have short stories that have notes because we used them in my english class when I was in fourth year. But since the story has notes already, we just spent the time talking ang catching up with the things that are happening or that happened in our lives
The two of us really have a lot in common because we underwent somehow that same experinces in reagards with loving someone. So she knows the things that happened to me before and I know the things that happened to her too. In a way we get to have someone to talk to and ask for help. So we stayed up until the wee hours of the night just talking and well venting up the emotions locked within us ( whoa...hehehe)
Okay, but here's the sad part. My family's going to spend the night in a hotel, without me!!! Ugh...its because I have a test in Math on Tuesday so if I go with them I woudn't be able to study ( Asif you could study for math...) So here I am, stranded in our house without company ( well except for our maid) and stuck with books that I just want to throw away. Ugh...then my sister is inviting me to the grade 7 legacy this comming monday which would feature South Boarder. But since I have a test, I can't come!!!
*sighs* Oh well, at least my sis is not here to pester me!! hehehe... You know what? my dad told me yesterday that I may be anemic. I compared my skin color with my brother ( who by the way is the whitest *if there is a word a such* among us) and I was yellowish in color. I think I'm going to het a CBC test to see if I really am anemic. Gosh..what's happening to me
Friday, November 26, 2004
Que es el punto a vivir?
Odio mi vida. Yo me odio. Odio todo que es arround mi. Odio este sentimiento de sentir nada hacia cualquiera. Odio que este sentimiento de ser perdido, no instruido que soy y lo que soy causado. Odio a las personas que no dan un maldito acerca de las cosas que sucede dentro de mi. Las personas quien pense me adoraron, me cuide de, eso se supuso ser una parte de mi. Ellos no hacen nada pero me causa que aflija y ellos no cuidan si ellos hacen. Quiero morir, aqui mismo en este momento. Que es el punto de vivir si yo no me siento vivo? Para que es el punto de vivir si hay nadie para mi vivir? Agrieto arriba, rompiendo aparte y nadie cuidaría si identificacion sucede. Acabo de querer para morir, terminar todo esta miseria porque yo no pienso que puedo aguantar mucho mas
Free cut
Thank God I was able to go to school already. I still have a tremendous headache but I'd rather have that than be as weak as a baby.Throughout the day that I was sick I looked like a ghost, all waxen and pale...lol..Ok anyway last night, I thought my head was going to explode from the pain, but it gradually receded. My dad said its due to water loss because of the things I threw up. (Man...I was like the exorcist...) So they had to make me drink all those foul stuff until today. I wasn't able to eat oily foods ( thus no chocolates, pizzas and junk food...) because they told me I just might puke them all
But hey, although my heads being pounded by 20 hammers, I had free cut in Botany. So cool. Actually I didn't know that we had free cut, my blockmate just told me when I arrived in our classroom without a single soul present ( I'm so dense right?...) It was because my prof is one of the organizers of the event (something to do with microscopes..) that was taking place in school.
So here I am...typing my misery because of this stupid headache. I think I better lie down and rest because my body seems to be asking for it though my mind is thinking of something else...lol...asif
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Damn....
Gosh, my life sucks. Last night, the epidemic that I had became worst. I had a hard time standing up and even though I was lying down my stomach still hurt. It was grinding and turning. I had a hard time going to sleep because of the pain I was undergoing. My mom even wanted me to be brought to the hospital because of the intense pain. But I didn't want to.
She told me that it might have been caused by something I ate, and that' s why my body is acting like that to tell me that there is poison in my body and that these toxic substances sould be released.
Because of this, I wasn't able to go to school. But I still had to go for I have Lab and its really hard to miss a session. So although I'm feeling a bit quesy I still went to school.
Gosh...I hope this would pass coz I really am having a hard time
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
I think somethings wrong
I cant believe it. December is just arround the corner. Everything related to the joyous event that would occur are grazing everything that is arround me. Two months ago I wasn't even planing on my Christmas list yet, then all of a sudden its December. But now, I'm gradually awating the time Christmas comes because my cousin from states is going to spend the holidays here. I think were going to go to Boracay and loose our heads there. So I may not got to states this December. But still....Man, doesn't time fly so fast? I mean, it was as though I only had my debut but then in a few months i'll be turning 19 ( God I'm old!!!). Oh well, can't change my age nor could I change the flow of time ( Man that's deep...lol..). But my day sucks. I dont know, I think somethings really wrong with me. A while ago, while I was still at school, my stomach really hurt. I thought I was about to have my monthly coz it hurt like hell!!! I swear!!! It was really hard for me to stand but the pain didn't last that long, so I thought " Gosh magkakaron pa ata ako". But then my stomach started heaving something up my throat. I couldn't believe it, I was about to throw up and it was only 8:00 in the morning and I didn't eat that much breakfast.
I was really feeling poorly by the time I relieved myself. But it happened to me twice and its disgusting me already. I thought it was something that I ate. My blockmates even thought that maybe I have food poisoning or something. But jeez, I dont think I ate anything that's tainted last night and this morning. Gosh...maybe I'm dying...
Hmmmmm......that's something to think about (hopefully)
Friday, November 19, 2004
ACP....
I just came from my ACP class ( Alternative Class Program) and I had so much fun! The class I chose was Capoiera, the Brazilian Martial Arts.I was really lucky that I had that class because it was really popular, I mean a lot of people wanted that class but they only had limited slots. It was so cool. The speakers were from Portugal ( I think ) and they told us how Capoiera started.
It was really fascinating. Then they taught us the basics of Capoiera. Men!!! Could you see me doing hand-stands and some break dancing moves? But I did them!!! Well I was not quite that good, but hey it was my first time so I really amazed myself with the stunts that we did.
It was really fascinating. Then they taught us the basics of Capoiera. Men!!! Could you see me doing hand-stands and some break dancing moves? But I did them!!! Well I was not quite that good, but hey it was my first time so I really amazed myself with the stunts that we did.
Then they gathered us together and told us that we were going to "play" Capoiera. Gosh!!!! our speakers started tossing, turning, tumbling and doing all those stunts that made us all gape at them. Then they gave us the oppurtunity to try them out. Gosh!!! I really had a blast
But now, I'm missing mmy baby already. He went out for a camping trip to Island Cove ( is that what you call camping? ) and he wont come back until tommorow...AAAWWWW......I still cant believe he lelt me alone here..(*sighs*) But I know he' s having the time of his life now
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
A Plea......
Take my life, I beg of thee
put an end to my misery
Kill me now, I beg of you
for I do not know what more to do
Set me free from this emptiness
a life without an once of happiness
Let me go to fly away
for there is no reason for me to stay
Draw out this empty soul
and free me from my mortal role
Cut me free from my strings on earth
that bind me to endless pain and hurt
Free me from this mindless state
that lies and foolishness did create
Stop the life that flow within
and let the future be left unseen
I beseech thee, grant my request
to take away this life I detest
I pray to thee, give in to my demands
for I may end it all with my own hands
Monday, November 15, 2004
Wicker Park
Gosh I'm so happy coz I went out today. My friends and I decided to go to the mall ( to go shopping and to watch a movie ) since there's no classes today.
But since one of my friends came late, my best friend and I decided to go shopping without them. I bought a magazine were Fernando was featured ( hay he is so gwapo!!!) and well shopped ( hehehehe what's new right?)...
After that my friend finally showed up so we decided to go eat ( we ate Japanese!!!!...YUMYUM!!) and after it we went and checked out what time the movie we wanted to watch was going to be played. As it happened it was going to be played at 230 but it was only 1230.
So we decided to go arround the mall to kill time. This was when the weird thing happened. While we were walking we came across a dad with his son and daughter ( who happened to be a lesbo) since it was a natural thing to see within the mall we just looked at them and then looked at each other and talked. But suddenly the lesbo looked at us and as we were walking past them she was cranning her neck!!! I swear it was really weird and really funny!! I think that girl has a crush on my friend or something coz we dont know her..
Oh well...so we watched Wicker Park. Gosh ..Josh is really hot there!! I swear you should watch it coz its really nice. The girl's a real psycho and I like her ( so what that does mean?...hmmmm....)
*sighs* we're going back to school tom and I'm still in the wherein I dont want to go to school and wake up early....*sighs*
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Tormented....
I am stabbed a thousand times
when someone utters your name
I shatter to a thousand pieces
in realizing it was all a game
I weep a thousand tears
when I recall all the pain
I tried a thousand ways
to find things to keep me sane
I mourned a thousand hours
for all the things that I have lost
I have regreted a thousand moments
that broke what I valued most
I bleed a thousand wounds
in remembering my foolish acts
I am seared with a thousand welts
seeing the pretense and not the facts
I die a thousand deaths
whenever I see your face
And I pray a thousand prayers
for the past to be erased
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Middle of the week
Its wednesday and my body is aching from the straneous activity I had yesterday. It was my first pe class for this sem and I was really excited because I'm going to have free work out ( my pe is physical fitness ). But I neglected to see that even though I was an athlete or am an athlete, the muscles tend to go lax after a a long period of rest.
So there I was, running arround the covered courts ( for 5 times) with my muscles being shocked awake from a long period of hibernation that I ached all over. But hey, I had to endure it because it was only the beginning. After that we had the basic stretching ( that way way beyond me, because what I was thought was to stretch before runninng...ryt?) and some crunches ( that did wonders to my flabs ). And tomorrow I'll due the whole routine again ( oh god! )
The fun thing that happened to me this day was my lit presentation. We have to present our topic ( POV ) using creative images or ways. Can you believe my block mate ( who happends to be a guy ) wear bunny ears for the presentation?
He was so cute. We were role playing a scene in the story "The hare and the Tortoise" to show the different POVs. Actually we planned that last night but he was really apprehensive about the whole thing. We kept saying that its for the grade ( coz our teacher really sucks at giving high grades ) and that in a way it would unleash his femine side.
The class had a blast. They kept saying he looked like a playboy bunny(hehehe) and well our teacher said that we did a great job (dapat lang noh!!) so everything paid of. But I dont think he'll ever look the same at a bunny again
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
WINTER......
The season is changing, the weather's turning cold
the wind is rising, strong and bold
the leaves are falling, one by one
blue skies have turned gray, now winter has begun
Slowly snowflakes fall from above
covering the lush foilage we once loved
making everything shimmer and glow
while I am trapped within this valley of snow
My only beacon now lost from me
taken away by fate and destiny
Now scourging this valley, turning every rock and grove
looking from my light, my one true love
But my beacon has vanished, could not be found
and now I am lost as I stumble over snowy ground
left in the open, broken and weary
while nature unleashed its mighty fury
My finger became numb, my lips turned blue
as I laid there, not knowing what to do
My only joy, my only hope, lost forever from me
and I can not do anyything but let it be
All warmth has fled my entire being
no point in surviving, no point in living
Everything has vanished, all the feelings I had once
leaving me hollow and empty, a vessle without substance
So now I lay, frozen in this snow
wallowing in my pitiful and ceaseless sorrow
And until I find the key to my demise
I will be forever trapped in this kingdom of ice
*for the one whom in a short time made me live again*
Monday, November 08, 2004
Exhausting Weekend
God its monday and I still dont want to go to school. oh anyway I'll just relate to all of you what happened to me the past weekend.
Okay last Saturday I had to go back to school because it was our NSTP orientation. God I dont see the point in it. They alotted an hour for the activity but it only lasted for 20-30 minutes. Wasted time...tsk...tsk...
Then my dad told me that we were going to my aunt's party and that my uncle (his brother) would fetch us arrounf 5.
Okay so I prepared for it and everything and thought I would be missing a lot because it was my block mates party and I dont have transpo since it was really far from were I live.
So there my uncle fetched us but we had a detour in Riverbanks ( gosh! I cant believe how many cheap things could be bought there). Then we proceeded to the venue of the party.
As time went by i realized that we were in Commonwelt ( were the party of my friend was being held!!!!) but since I dont know were it was, it was ok
So me and my cousins endured that god-awful party (it was really not meant for people our age) and killed time by talking about things in our lives until we left arround 1230 ( in the morning mind you)...So while driving home I was berrating my dad because he didn't tell me we would be in Commonwelt when my dad said " Oh here's the Big Tent pala" while he points to the right. Arrggghh.....I should have been there..but alas...
So monday...God I hate my Lit teacher. My blockmates say she' s an old maid ( well she sure looks like one)..lol...Well she sure does have high standards and its not easy to achieve...oh well...just have to endure
Friday, November 05, 2004
Thank God its Friday
Ugh..at long last the weekend has finally arrived. I'm really glad coz my class today is only up to 11:30 so I get to laze arround at home longer.
Okay I'll tell you a bit of what happened to me this day. Since its Friday I was the one who drove the car to school. Actually I do this now everyday since I only have half day classes. So there..I went to school. I was so excited because I was going to give my block mate (who's a girl) a bouquet of pink roses since it was her birthday yesterday and I wont be able to go to her party tom ( duh its my mom's bday too....)
Okay so I was inside the car, fixing my things (I already parked) when suddenly I realized I left my id at home...gosh how stupid could I get?
Then classes started. It was fine..really..its just that the time moved ever so slowly...
After which was Botany. I was a bit skeptical because we havent met our teacher ( free cut remember?)...But she came (asar!!!) and she told us the reason that she didn' t meet us was due to her going to the room at the wrong time. She thought our time was 1130-1230, but it wasn' t. Atleast she confessed...lol....
So now I'm home, dreading tomorrow. I have to go back to school because of that NSTP thing. I dont know what is it about anyway...*sighs* I wished the block reps were the only ones who would go, but alas...we are required.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Why?...oh why?...
Back to school, back to reality. *sighs* I cant do anything about it so I just have to face what fate brings me
I was happy because I get to see my blockmates again. We caught up with the happenings that each one experienced during the sem break. We laughed, made jokes and even teased each other. We had the same teacyher for english, so it was okay. But we had a new teacher for lit. At first she was kind of intimidating but as the class moved on, she was okay
It was weird coz for my next class (botany) almost all my blockmates (psych) were there. I cant believe it!! we almost made up half the natsci class. It was fun because we get to be together.
Another thing happened. We were waiting for our teacher for out botany class but then she/he didn't show up. So we had free cut!!!..hehehe..First day of classes and we already had free cut. Maybe that teacher was just bored since it is the first day of classes
But something bad happened to me...my significant other from my block transfered to a new block....Oh the pain!!! why..oh why?...I thought we could be together ( even though i only admire that person from a far), I thought that maybe we could be close..then....*sighs*
It sucks...it really sucks coz that person was my only source of happiness (though distant) and that person was the first to trigger emotions (though not deep) from after what happened in the past. And now, that person is gone*sighs*
I just cant do it anymore. I've given up hope in regards to that particular area in my life. I just dont know what to do with myself anymore..Suko na ako..
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Back to school
Ugh...the hours are passsing by. Time is running out. In just a few minutes I'll be going to school again. Yuck!!
At first I wanted to go to school already because I was really bored at home. I mean, I didn't have anything to do anymore. I read all my books, even those that were bought by my dad when he went to states (that's a lot). I ecen borrowed some form my best friends because I finished everything ( read all of them more the twice). And since I didn't have anything to do, I went shopping with my friends to escape boredom. But my money was dwindling to non exsistence. So I wanted to go to school so I could get allowance.
But now that my free time is being shortened by each passin second, I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll go to school. I still dont want to face all those teachers and classes. all those quizes and test, the morning where I have to wake up early ( which is everyday ). But the side benefit is I'll be able to see that person I'm well admiring. It's nothing serious, that person is just cute.
Well got to face reality, although I would want to go to school next week I cant help the way things are
Monday, November 01, 2004
All Saints day
Wow this day has been really tiring. Like what I said yesterday, we were suppposed to wake up at arround 6 so we could go to the cemetery earlier. That's because there are a lot of peopl who would go to the cemetery this day.
So off we went. But I didn't expect it to be so hot!! It was blistering hot and there were no trees to shade us. Also we had to got to three different libingans and they are at the opposite ends of the cemetery. It was as though we hiked a mountain because of the distance we walked. We walked because it was hard to find paroking space due to the tremendous number of people there
Then we had to go to another cemetery. Gosh it was really crowded because unlike the first we went to it catered to the masa ( you get my drift? ). It was dirty, dusty and to top it up it was really hot!! I felt like tons of dirt and dust have stuck themselves unto my face and my body
So now, I'm at last at home after roughly being outside exposed to the sun for 10 hours. God!! my colors already different...but well cant do anything about it..
